+ the garden inside my heart +

feel free to write

2011-07-14T06:51:00.000+08:00

so meine Damen und Herren, das war alles für heute.

it was Hr. Becker's sound again, and it is 0044, 2nd day after my last paper. i have been having a lot of fun, got a job, got my lowepro bag, got everything i want, except the z2300, which is harder to get.

seems like it is coming to a stop for my first sem in germany. i remembered what maria told me before, enjoy your first sememster, it is hard, u will find yourself skipping classes coz you dont understand what the Profs are saying. you will mostly spend your time in front of a translator or a dictionary, you will not understand even 40% of what they are saying.. and i agree, totally.

for the last 2 years i have been learning german, in malaysia, and it proves too good to be useless sometimes when we cant even fully understand what our friends are talking about. we all said the malaysians are shy and will not mix with the others. i am trying hard to prove that it is wrong, once. but in the end i become one of them. i mix only with a few close friends of mine. we will discuss stuff together and joke with one another. but the rest of the class, i ignore them mostly..why? u will know why if u were alone in a stranger city that nothing of it can be compared to what i have had in the last 20 years. everything here seems very perfect, very systematic, very logical, except the fact that i was not born here.

well, i dont wanna talk more about it, the future decides everything. for me, and for u. amithaba

回家-顺子

2011-07-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

listening to this song, a lot of feeling come back to me..the weather is smooth, cold..just woke up from taking a nap..nothing special, but this song struck my mind suddenly..i am totally carried away in this song..such a wonderful melody..chatting to u, first time in so many months..i know it is a bit odd to say this right now, but i still feel for u, my heart would unhesitantly beat harder if i am thinking of starting a conversation with u..i had no where to express myself but to say it right here..i dont know how long it was before i really can take myself off u..memories will always be there, nothing will change, but human does..i dont know if i am doing the right thing or not, but i am confident of myself that i wont let the same thing happen over and over again, in the end we both suffer a lot, a lot that i sometimes cant pull myself out from not thinking about it..english is getting poorer, german aint getting anybetter, chinese even poorer, what is happening?

it is time for me to really have a thorough examination of myself..i need fresh air..

dont worry, it is just some wake-up-from-nap-sudden-crush on you..i mean suddenly think of u..im not sure why, but it is just like that..maybe it is still there? i dont want to.

im back, finally.

2011-05-10T03:26:00.000+08:00

it is finally Mai, and the weather is getting hotter everyday.. malaysia is even hotter, i will always bear that in mind, and nothing can be hotter than malaysia, so i will always appreciate the weather here, although it really feels so hot here..

looking back the posts in my blog really got me back the feeling of once crazy in writing blog..

without you, i would have fallen behind others.
thanks for accompanying me so far.
i really enjoy the time being with you.

and i love you.

i am sure you wont hear it. coz this blog has long been abandoned.. but once again, thank you for being with me at this very moment, it is really a pleasure to be together with you.

love you always.

o i c

2011-03-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

facebook is really a useful tool when it comes to spending ur time wisely when u get bored..

i realise there's this thing that i can never ever get..

i like uni life, in malaysia, the way we interact with one another and live peacefully or harmonically with one another..i like staying together as a group of friends from malaysia, coz we understand our background and culture better..there wouldnt be misunderstanding among us..and hand in hand we can build a better tomorrow..

i cant get it though, owh gosh how i miss my life back then in malaysia..

everything is changing fast, i hope i am not..im always stick to certain rules and i hope i will always be clear about the whereabouts of my life..damn, english getting worse, german doesnt seem to improve a lot..but my bm becoming more fluent than ever, u know why? coz thats the only language we can talk freely in the public, when we wanna highlight some issues in the public, like, this german memang knn..or anything like that..

weird, but we use it everyday.

60D.

2011-02-25T19:40:00.000+08:00

with my 60D, i always dream about taking everything i like and i wish to have in this world into my album..

i dont know whether im having Heimweh or not, chances are quite high i think cause i cant stop myself from thinking everything about my life before coming here..

i am determined..to do it..properly, once again.

missing the man u with ronaldo

2011-01-20T06:11:00.002+08:00

time flies, it is about two weeks from the day i step out of the country, travelling far to an unknown place..

everything has been really good here, except i will always think of the things i used to do back in malaysia..reading the star every morning, driving my kenari for breakfast, open up the the food my mum left for us for breakfast, and all other stuffs..it is not easy to learn to really put these things behind, i am trying to get used to the life here, but no matter how hard i try it will appear naturally, and i know it is just 14 days upon my days of arrival, it is not even a month, 2 months, one semester or one year..

i havent been through spring, summer, autumn and winter..i havent experinced snowing..i only manage to take some photos, which everyone did here..eat the pastas and kebab..drink spezi or leitungwasser..not much, and it is all under my fingers if i were to count..i guess it just was not the time to talk about being here for a long time..it is just the starting..a whole long way to go..

sometimes it feels so nice when i can have something to imagine about the place i am bound to go, karlsruhe..
sometimes i wonder can i cope with the studies here..
since everything will not be the same again and i cannot be that lazy anymore
it is time to brush up things and ignite the engine..
it is time to start fighting, again..

decision has been made and i have to stick to it, musnt i? it is the place i have always wanted to study..
and i really like the place, really..but none of you could share with me how i feel..coz i really want you here to see it, to experience it..

seeing it all alone doesnt make me feel good, how i wish you were here..
when i need somebody to talk to..
when you know me the best..
when i can always see the smile on your face
whenever i look at you..
it is always a pleasure,
to be able to share everything with you..

thank you, once again..
without you, i will not have walked this far..

the road it long and tiring..
what makes it special,
is the warmness you feel when you walk along
sightseeing can be a very adventures thing to do
when we know how to see
how to feel it with our hearts..

i will always remember you.

happy new year ~

2011-01-01T15:42:00.000+08:00

here we go again.

end of a decade's of everything
what stands in front of me
is a new chapter of life
i have never thought i will be there
and it seems like a dream come true for a
kid whose dream
is to be able to have all his dreams come true

hooooooray!!
happy new year and happy 2011.

im sure this would be a start of the whole new life
life i have never thought having :)

it all melts when i see you smile

2010-12-25T17:34:00.000+08:00

i am quite sure of what it will be happening based on my thoughts and observation..nothing's been proven wrong technically and i am well beyond confident that smile is what it takes to lighten and colour the beautiful world around us..

it comes so naturally that i can hardly spell out how it feels like in these weeks..despite the fact that i am only left with a couple of weeks in kuching i try my best do mend what once is wrong and enjoy every single moment of my life..it is like a self relief that i am actually doing all these things cause i havent done them before..maybe i am traumatised by the fact that i am not coming back in the near future i guess..

and i just could forgive myself if nothing is done before i leave..

but sometimes you cant take full control by yourself..you need other's cooperation and it is hard to get what you want it to be..but i am trying on my behalf and do what i can though some of them might be well left unspoken..

yeah finally.. it is time to let go..

enjoy yourself, and never regret..what maria said to us is quite true..perhaps she has been through what i am going through..yeah that could be right..

time to say good bye.. i miss you very much.

two more weeks, exactly.

2010-12-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

wow..time flies..i thought i have 5 weeks of holiday after practical but now it left only 2 weeks..14 more days from today i will leave for kl..it is fast..really.

if you ever set your eyes on the news recently you will know that the weather in europe has not been improving but getting worse from day to day..it is a freezing -20 degree celcius over there and i have serious doubted that i can cope with it..cant really imagine how it would look like once i got there..everything seems so different from what i see in these 20 years..

nah nah..forget about the differences..it is not helping.. @@

it just changes everything.

2010-12-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

last night the images of 430 kept haunting me..i am undecided whether to choose 430I or 430II..in the end 430II chooses me i guess..the deal is on and the numbers in my account are becoming zero again..thanks to the flash i just bought, and it is called canon speedlite 430 ex II, quite a name isnt it?

yeah my goals are set and i have a loooooottttttttt to learn again once i got the flash..capturing is one thing, not to mention editing and flash photography..im gonna crack my own head but thinking of all the fun and joy i am bound to have it is not that bad actually..guys going to the same fachoschule with me, you are damn lucky!! haha..in this case abiman's gonna cry for not coming to the same FH with me..lol..

there are lots of things to learn and catch up..i hope my studies wont not be neglected once i go there..more than 4 half a year have i not touched any real books..i am really rotting here..

hope everything will be fine as it is before.. :)

clubbing nite but i aint clubbing.

2010-12-19T00:56:00.000+08:00

though everybody is heading to the pubs tonight my heart is going nowhere..it rained for a while before 10 and it was a quite and lonely night again. i just got back from having tea and i dont know what to write anymore..

i dont feel like writing this seriously, but what else can i do? it is so uncomfortable to do things you dont mean doing at all..

shit this is killing me..i dont like it..

when i passed by the pubs i could hear the loud music, or perhaps it should not be called music at all, airing tirelessly in the cold midnight..everybody was dancing and drinking and smoking and hugging and laughing but i dont feel any of that at all..my heart was pounding and beating fast..so fast that i could barely hold the phone still in my hand..i dont know should i press the button or not..looking at the familiar screen i suddenly have the urge to call but the call ended so quick..not voicemail this time, but a few words..it was so short that i could remember clearly what was said during that 17 seconds.it swirled inside my head non stop and i could not stop it...i wasnt concentrating and i was driving alone on the road of kuching city..familiar places that once shared some of the fondest memory of mine passing my car, or should i say i drive pass them..it was really like a theater..not the familiar theater of dream, of course..i was pounding hard and i could see that my life was slowly turning into a movie..and this movie only last for half an hour, waiting for the director to continue and the script writer to produce the script..it was not easy to come this far, there were once a lot of obstacles blocking my way and obstacles after obstacles i went through..of course injuries are unavoidable..and these injuries are the source of strength i hold on to..without them i was probably nothing..

going through this movie alone make me think so hard, so hard in the middle of the night where everyone is asleep..does it really worth every ounce of energy and effort i gave?

i certainly know the answer best inside my heart.

sorry for all the trouble and it wont be happening again..

but i cant guarantee coz i dont know what i am doing right now at this moment..it is hard to think right and i dont know where i am..

in the middle of nowhere?

im not so sure either..

you have failed so far, thats not unbeknown, and i should have gone to bed..

well, it wasnt easy to shrug off the idea of having you here..

but it was to forget everything in the moment,

coz i am so tired..

so tired that i could not even open my eyes..

so tired that i decided not to think about it anymore..

that i should just forget about it

and let it be what it is supposed to be

now and forever..

transformer

2010-12-17T13:47:00.000+08:00

after watching the trailer for the third franchise of the movie and looking at the release date, by the time it is out, i would have completed my first year of degree..thats something very, very new to me..as i really have no idea how my life is going to be like when i go there..

anyway, it is good to see what the trailer can offer us and i am beginning to anticipate it..lol..

broken leg. broken truth.

2010-12-15T17:29:00.000+08:00

we would not be able to change our fate if we do not believe in ourselves..things can be done or changed if we have the will to do it..and this is probably much easier to say it aloud than having actually done it..

the incident happened in february this year which left me a badly damaged left ankle reminds me about the hard truth i have to deal for the rest of my life..nothing serious happened to my foot but the consequences followed by..yeah it is saddening..and i am starting it over and over again..

i wish the night wont be lonely anymore..
i wish the stars wont be staring at me

it aint happening.

the night is cold and clear

2010-12-07T23:27:00.000+08:00

10 minutes to halb elf.. it was a great day, at least i got the chance to shop with mum and dad..it is something which i have been longing for..everytime when i work i see one big family can shop together..how happy are they..i used to be like this, but no more..people are growing, you cant keep urself caught inside the cage for a long time..you got to grow no matter what..and you will start to think like a man..thats the hard truth..sometimes i wish i could always stay as a kid..no worries, no doubts..no nothing but joy and happiness all around me..u can do whatever you feel like doing..no one will blame you if you make a mistake..you will not have to be responsible for everything..for every words spoken out..for every action done..for every paths chosen..for the one you love..

it sounds emo..but it is not..it is just something i feel like writing about in this cold night..when i can still feel the breeze blowing through my face..the coldness it brings..it doesnt have emotion..it is emotionless..so empty..so true..i remember i like to feel the wind, when i was in form 5..just get the motorbike key in the middle of the night, i would go out without a helmet..and feel the wind blowing hard on my face..my hair is all under the wind's control..and i even like the way my hair look like after getting blown hard by the wind..it just feels so right..

but things change..pretty fast..i wasnt in f5 anymore..i wanted to be an adult..coz i hate being child all the time..i hate hiding my opinion or my view everytime i feel like talking but i didnt..i wanted to be an adult..thats what i thought i should be..mistakes and mistakes i made and i learn, in the end..i think i can adapt and change is all it needs to be a man..time flies, and it is another 3 years..when i got back, memories from the past will always appear in my mind..whenever i pass this road, the signboard, the traffic light i used to stop at after school, the shops, everything..everything reminds me of my past..which is part of me that cant be changed, forever..i might not be like what i was 3 years ago, but i can be a better person, i believe..this is the truth i am holding on..

strike me hard, wind.

penang or not?

2010-12-07T17:56:00.000+08:00

recently i have been thinking whether or not to visit penang for the last time before flying..it is kind off a regret not to be able to go there once during my time here as a student..coz i dont know how long it will take for me to come back in the future..2 years? 3 years? i am not sure myself..

i wish i could go.

sometimes

2010-12-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

kinda reminds me of the song Sometimes from britney spears..it is a good song nevertheless..

i had a photo session with my cousins in the dinner..i am the shooter of course, not the poser..and it turned out to be quite a lesson for me..there is still so much space for improvement and i think i am just at the edge of making the right setting and capturing the best angle for photography..it really get me out of my nerves, as i stood in front of those posers and i could fully understand what was going on in their mind when i've got the camera in my hands..sometimes my heart pumps so hard, coz i really scared that the result would not be that great..luckily i did get through the night without any serious flaws..whewww..

i am back to kuching, but the teh ais here is very much still the same..i am really really disappointed with it..not a single taste of teh and susu and they still call it teh ais..

o.O

no more class, dude.

2010-12-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

just finish my GMI practical in bangi today, though i planned to skip this class earlier on to go to penang but have to cancel the trip in the last minute due to unavoidable circumstances.. anyway, feel kinda regret for not going there coz that is the only state in west malaysia that i havent set my feet on to..this could really be permanent damage coz after this i am not going to be 20 years old anymore and the possibility of going there could only fall on the time when i come back to malaysia next time, which is still an uncertainty..and i aint 20 anymore, which means i ~~must not~~ play that much just like what i normally did in the previous trips..

anyway, i am glad that i completed my CNC milling as well as turning class today..yeah it certainly does make me feel better. and i will be back to kuching tomorrow, haiz, holidays gonna end soon..study mode has to be turned on soon, say goodbye to all these wonderful and stress-zero days..i am gonna miss that very very much..i havent been reading any science book since the end of june, havent done any maths questions since my last C4 paper, havent really read any german since 6 september, oh my god..now i am getting more and more nervous when i think of the day i start my school in fachoschule next year..jeezz..imagine having one full page of article in german and it could be any physic lesson that i have learnt before, i will have to sit there and try to understand what the passage says on my bed the whole afternoon, and maybe the whole night too..just read and read and read..

what a day!!! @@

typo typo

2010-11-30T23:05:00.002+08:00

i just realise how many typo i have got in everything i wrote.. -.-''

in the end, we all are falling apart.

2010-11-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

i remember michael wong and victor's song in their last album when they were still together as a group bie ren dou shuo wo men huifen kai, my last day in cemara, the place i once liked the most and it was one of the many places that holds a very good memory for me..it was not that nice looking, neither was it clean or big..but i feel really comfortable living there..it was the place i grew up in during the studies in shah alam..

i moved into that place in the end of june last year, i can still remember it :) after GMI i rushed to bungkus a few packs of chinese food and then the cemara office, coz i wanna register for a better room..i was told that i could not register coz i was not wearing any color T.. f*** the officers..all i knew was i was rushing against time to register and you forbid me from registering coz i was not following the rule which NOBODY did.. i had not packed my stuff so i had to borrow someone's shirt and did the registration in a hurry..i rushed back to cendana only to know that the bus which was responsible for picking me up had left a few minutes ago..i wasnt able to pack my stuff because of that f-fing officer, and i had a speech to do later in that night, around 3am i think coz my school wanted to break the record of holding the longest multi language speaking competiton, 52 hours non stop..well, it is just another story happened in cemara..

before i left the room, i get to capture every picture of the room inside my mind..trying to build a solid and complete picture of it..the days where i played cried had fun..i truly truly enjoy living there, it could be that i am from sarawak and dont get to go back very often like other PBSM (persatuan balik setiap minggu, dont get me wrong ) and somehow i have unconsciously built some of the fondest memories of mu life here..i remembered getting samans all the time in the third sem, thank god i wasnt told to attend the court and penalized..let me guess, i have collected about 12 samans over the time here..haha, just got one today, i thought i would be the last i am gonna keep it in my box..who knows ten years after when i reopen this box i would find some of the memories therein..

i believe it is not going to be over..every journey continues no matter how hard it is to kick start it..cemara is just another section of my life, i will be missing the bus stop, rafi and everything there..how sad it is to really leave that place..two months ago i used to tell ah fui, eh, two more months and we will permanently leave this place, i kinda miss it..and ah fui will be nodding his head, we have to really appreciate our days here..he replied.. but again and again we tend to be very busy and the four of us dont really get to sit down together and have fun as what we did during the a level examination due to the difference in timetable..sometimes i would have class and they dont have and we always miss the chance of being together..i would always go out and jude will always go back to malacca..ah fui would, as usual, spend his quality time with her, and jet would just be otagu..and these two months just passed like this..gmi isnt fun at all, coz we were all separated..i still think the most enjoyable time is sitting for the a level papers..though i have given up given my best in the end of the exam ( the exam lasted 60 days, almost two months and i have to sit for 18 papers sekaligus ) we get to be inside the room really often and none of us would go out hanging around..after every meal we wouldnt waste our time chatting in rafi but to go back as early as we can..and i think most of the time we would cook ourselves..haha..thats the craziest time in cemara i think..i really really miss it man..how i wish i could go back there and indulge myself in the very happy surrounding which could never happen again in my life ( what i mean is the same people in the same place at the same time ) it is history.

i wrote this because i believe words would stay forever..and i will always read it when i think of malaysia..

this is the very first post i dedicated to malaysia, the place i grow up in..i just could hold my feeling back for the fact that my life here only has about 1 month to go..after that, nothing can be compared to the life i have here in malaysia..i wont see any black heads around..no more roti telor bawang, no more nasi lemak tanpa kacang., no more teh tarik kurang manis, no more bandung susu lebih, no more kambing lebih, no more telor mata semua masak, no more nasi pattaya telor tebal sikit or roti john telor kasih banyak..haha..these are all the things that i like..with special names i get for them..you know i dont get to eat chinese food very often here and thats the reason why i feel like a MALAYSIAN after coming here to study..i make friends from other cultures..i learn more about them..i learn more about my country..and i know more about myself..argh..this is really going to drive me crazy..

it is gonna be real hard when i go there..everyday german and no malaysian food..the weather is COLD.
but i am sure i can make it..of course i can, haha.. really looking forward to flying..

6th January 2011 could very well be the last day here in malaysia, surely i will be coming back in the future but not so soon..good luck and take care :)

i would definitely be coming back to this country again and serve the country with my heart :)

ps: remind me if i forget this. haha.

i am standing right in front of the world

2010-11-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

wow..btn camp was so great..i never thought that it could be this great, based on what i heard and read previously on the paper and tv just doest do btn right..i just got back from the camp and i felt really really enjoying throughout the camp..at least i learn more about perlembagaan ( which i have never the least had the interest in reading it ) ,all the Perkara etc and i can proudly say at least i know about 10 to 15 of them..

the camp first of all doesnt like any other camp i have been to..it is something patriotic and one of the aims of the camp is to make sure we all will come back and serve the country, which i surely will!! i will definitely come back to this lovely malaysia, whether or not to find a job here is another story but i will be back.. definitely..

sitting in Mc D surfing is something different, this is the first time as my wimax has been returned and no internet access can be quite boring.. here it goes, i am gonna love it love it love it!!!

reaching the end, hehe

2010-11-18T04:32:00.000+08:00

i havent been able to have myself a haircut in these two weeks..it feels so much better when u are engaged to doing something in your life or occupied for most of the time in your day..nothing really can beat you down when u are carrying on with this momentum..i hardly have time to think about what happen in the last few weeks, and the only excitement in many many weeks will probably be the fact that i dont have to work every saturday and sunday anymore..it feels so much better, really, when you finally can sit back and relax in the weekends..

i have got myself a new pet!! 50mm 1.8 at just 230 bucks!! haha..havent really used it for portraits but i know the day will come soon..5 more hours to go and i shall use it again.. yeepee..

time flies really fast..cant imagine my studies here are almost done..36 months and yes it is going to be a full stop..i suddenly started missing all the things here in shah alam..i said that this place is the worst place in malaysia coz i cant find any pork or entertainment here..after thinking properly i realise shah alam is a very peaceful place..you wont find any heavy traffic after 8pm, when everybody has got back home..and they are really really nice if you know the way dealing with them..yeah jpa has managed to turn me into somebody that i like being..no doubts but i can feel the difference compared to two years back..it is strange that i even consider buying a house here in puncak alam or kk should i work here next time..lol..

it is almost five and i think it is high time for me to go to bed..yeah i feel good!

yo its one last day

2010-11-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

my career of being a highly overpaid promoter in Klang Valley is coming to an end. gone were the days i had sleepless night due to the anxiety and anxiousness.. I AM GOING TO BE A FREE MAN soon..haha..morgan freeman perhaps i can start joining your filming crew in the next few days..or maybe 24 hours later..lol..

this job of mine really taught me a lot of things.. the first and the last time i work here during my 2 and a half year studies.. it aint my first work so i had not had troubles handling it..not a very tough thing to do, and rather my friends would say, it is better to be standing here in Giant the whole weekends than being in home..at least we earn something..IMAO. thats true of course for me i rather stay home and become otaku for the whole weekend..there seems endless things to do in the weekends, i can go movie go eat ice go skating go anywhere i like to go..and maybe my kuantan trip will last longer had i not worked here..

anyway, it is going to be over.. i am always glad it is.

i should not have started doing the same thing over and over again, that is one of my greatest mistakes to date. that should be fair enough. goodbye.

recently. busy.

2010-11-09T17:11:00.000+08:00

i havent been able to blog for the last couple of weeks..mainly due to the time constrain i experienced and not having time in front of my lappy for a good and 'feeling-ful' post..lol..i have been hooked up to photography, in fact i landed harsh on it and the result is i have been spending days and nights digging lowyat.net for more attractive offer for the lenses i am interested in..well, at first i thought i was way on my luck and could easily find a good deal and get it done out of the way..and i think i wasnt experience enough to think that i am actually unable to support myself financially if i were to buy all the desirable lenses..damn it they just look too great and using them in my 60D will be a wish come true..but they just cost me too much..no choice but to stick to the ground and try the lens i have in the mean time..dad was right..i am still a student and not forgetting my aim i am to pursue my degree in germany..not to shoot as many as i could..yeah this is so true..sometimes i just feel like turning on the shooting mode and can really sit down there and figure all the interesting ways to capture the things around me..but i think i was just way too much..my german is rusting and i think it is high time for me to brush it up..nahh..if only i could finish the video..feel kinda stress out here coz this is the product they would wanna see in a proper grand dinner..heavy task but i have my ideas set and i am gonna do it out right!! go go go!!

montag blau blau blau!!

2010-10-25T14:04:00.000+08:00

sien sien sien when i think of today..nothing much to do besides completing my 3d drawing..it is a hell of fun when doing it but damn boring when you have to wait for others to complete it..i dont mean that i am fast but i dont think we need that much time either..luckily i can surf the net oherwise it wil be a damn boring monday in the designing lab..

have been searching for the lenses i wanna buy most of the days.. looking for a second hand 85mm but sadly to no avail..a nice deal can be done in just two days time, what more to say for a person like me to be late for a month's time? the deal is closed and there goes the lens i dream of having..

the original one and the second hand set have so much difference..hood and filter are not included, and the price is a few hundreds more expensive..if only i can find a good deal, aiks aiks aiks!!

yeah, this is a boring post, i have got nothing to write and nothing to do at the moment.

some parts

2010-10-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes..there is a part of you that will be best to remain silent..to remain unknown..to remain anonymity..i guess i need it now..when something belongs to the past is revealed, u feel just uncomfortable, exposed and sometimes you can really become another man..to be honest, i have this with me ever since i left for studies, no, maybe it was 10 years back..when i was still a kid..i dont understand, i rather leave it blank.. :)

reaching the end of October

2010-10-22T17:55:00.000+08:00

sooner or later its gonna be november and THAT is the final month of the life here in shah alam..i would never ever be staying in this without-pork place and recalling the time when i first saw the letter from JPA citing i have live here in SA for 30 months, i feel much more fortunate now to be able to end it finally..one more month..all the memories here will more or less be forgotten, in the future..i started growing up in this place..though it is not best, probably doesnt suit me at all, it still is the place where i got all my useful experience in life..

good bye shah alam..i shall write more about you in the coming post..yess!!!

standardizing the rule of everything

2010-10-21T13:09:00.000+08:00

lately i have been reading a lot of reviews..endless reviews and comments, normally by those whose nose so high above their faces that they dont even know what they wrote is rubbish..this is funny, really when you come upon something only to find out that it is not true and the rules are not there to fix it..sadly but admittedly i have to accept what's written there..no choice but this is what i am..i've got nothing here and i am inexperience and that's why i have follow orders instead of giving orders..sometimes the order given is not even an order, but rather an accusation though i dont see where the fault is..this is the world, welcome dude..we always have to tell ourselves to be humble especially when we are dealing with our boss..our someone in a higher rank..we are afraid of them, this is the culture..when we dont enjoy the work given, we have no right to decline but to accept whole-heartedly..sadly this is the culture where i come from, where i am being raised from..this is totally not understandable, and i dont give a damn to it..fine, i will prove to you someday you are just not more than a pity fella who have to freedom at all..you think you are so big above that you can gain total control over me? you think the world is so idiot? well only idiot like you will believe it..

i am not saying you are wrong and i am right..but the culture is there..it cant be changed..when we are not happy, we keep quiet..when we are scolded, we take the critics..this is unacceptable..i know that cant be changed but in my view we are not wrong everytime, yes we make mistakes but not always..we learn and improve but did you know all this boss? you dont, sadly.

again.

2010-10-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

today is somehow slow and aimless..i havent even done the work i planned for today..reading reviews and making decisions seem to be the hardest combination of all..i am scared if i make the wrong move..but then again, sticking to it is the only way to do and be brave to face the consequences..

it is sad, when i saw it..i am still trying to run out of it..bit by bit, one day, perhaps, it will all be history..

i miss you.

the world

2010-10-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

today is really super hard core..yesterday i went shopping with friends in lot 10 and fortunately saw the big big discount in Isetan..damn everything is at least 20% off..are you kidding? a G2 polo T is only 50 bucks and this is so cool..the offer is until 26 Oct, so gotta hurry guys if you wanna have some spending spree..haha..

then we had this very crazy thought, to go to Broga Hill this morning for some refreshment..GMI is practically too boring for me..so i have to find more fun in between to make myself busy..i am still looking for more projects to handle at one go and hope that i could really get one..but that would be another thing to talk about..lets focus in my broga trip..i slept at around 1 this morning in chenliang's place..and woke up at around 4am..3 hours of sleeping, nevermind, coz this would be very interesting..

unwillingly getting up from the sleep, i just washed and brushed and we began to head there in jo's cousin's car..he is a nice photographer and with him is a guy that look and behave almost like our Kintaru ( except this guy is much more handsome than kintaru of course.. ) :))

i climbed up the hill with both my injured feet coz i played futsal until 1am in the morning the day before yesterday..this was kinda for me..too boring probably and the feeling that you are leaving this place soon makes me wanna leave more wonderful memories here..except you..

after climbing it, which is not a big deal at all, i was really amazed by the 70-200 L lense ah boo brought..damn it, almost 5k man and it really feels nice to hold it and take great pics with it..but i have decided to get probably the 18-105 kit lense with d90 and another tamron 17-50, if i am able to work for more projects..damn suddenly i am hunger for money..dont know what happen to me but i really willing to work hard to earn more money, there are just too many things to buy before i fly..lol..

we had pan meen in ss19 and as usual, i had to go to OKR for my training..but this time i was really sohai..i left the train in jalan templer and you know what, pearl hotel is about 2 km away from the station and it is not even in OKR, i mean the jalan templer station..damn that counter girl who cheated me..in the end i was forced to walk under the hot sun to my office there coz couldnt get any cab or buses..

i was told to work for colgate as OCC and was actually quite disappointed with it coz i thought i would get the event project..but never mind, i havent given up on trying..i will get the project i want one day..

this is how i see the world, it is not good, it is not bad, it is there for you to become a man :)

no no no no!!

2010-10-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

jared leto..heard of this name before? his voice can go as high as celine dion ( exaggerate ) and he is so man too..haha..go and check him out and you will be surprised how talented he is..

everything is fine here..back to practical days..damn i havent even begun doing my assignment and preparing for the test.. the class is manufacturing process, funny name stupid class..coi lei dou soh lar..fail jau fail lar..whats the big deal?

so loooooonnnnggggg

2010-10-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

i have been standing for 90% of the time today promoting my nestum fruits..well, the results were not that bad as i manage to reach the target sales and not many people did it ( wahahaha ) it is tiring, it is not worth it..but i was really relief to see the outcome..three more days gogogogo!!

delight ? confused.

2010-10-07T15:35:00.000+08:00

it is a very new day for me..i started going for work today in old klang road..though it was just a training this morning, i felt a sudden change within me..i am not sure i should be happy or not, coz seeing the money coming into my bank account will be a very delightful moment..but considering the work i have to do and the days that await me, i felt a heavy burden upon my shoulder..maybe it is called responsibility..i have to ride to work beginning saturday..and along the journey i will pass by federal highway, with my old and buggy suzuki rc, my life is not secured riding on it..the trip itself to my workplace is already a challenge, and sometimes i really wish i have a car, in five years time, when i get back, yeah, i will start working as a real engineer and can finally use my brain and knowledge in my work..in the past, i could only work part time..nobody would want to hire me, what qualification have i got? none, the highest is only A level, or probably SPM..which signifies nothing if i were to work in a big company..and all those work dont require much of my knowledge..probably serving and PR is the most reliable thing i have to master..nothing else..lol..i am not saying these work are too small and do not fit me to my knowledge, i learn a lot in these work too..not to mention how you approach your boss and the ability to prove that you are more capable than others so that you can handle a bigger project..i aint afraid..i am more than happy to begin working with all these challenges..even simple stuff like selling PC can be grueling too..you have to have the communication skill and the power of persuasion and the choice of words to show the customers that they should get their desirable product from me, and not from other competitors..well, this is too much to talk about..i am ready for this..but this responsibility has not been in my life for such a long time..it is far from recall since my last work..

good luck to you...remember your dream, and your hard work shall not be wasted.. germany, i am coming :)

this gotta be a joke

2010-10-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

this is the third day, and i am feeling terribly shit..three days in a row have i been cooking my dinner and the outcome, i am too sick of it..really..i just fried the rice for my dinner..and so i bought ikan bilis, there are a few types and this time i took the one with the cheaper price..coz wanna try different stuffs..and it turned out to be so bad..the whole fried rice tasted like ikan bilis..and no other taste else..what a day for me and i still have to finish the whole big bowl of it..if i am not sick i wouldnt have to cook myself everyday..this is making me sick man, for staying in the room three days consecutively and besides surfing i have got nothing else to do really..

i will be going to the product training tomorrow morning..arh everything is gonna be busy again..no more weekends, pals..i wish i could just turn the time faster..this is the third week and i am feeling dizzy again, thanks to your arrangement Mr R and now our mechanical group have to stay home and become mushroom..cant we just shorten our holidays and move things faster? i really dont understand..

anyway, good luck pals..you're gonna enjoy your weekends..

the Segamat Man

2010-10-05T19:46:00.000+08:00

well, i blog this out of nothing to do.. and recently there's a very strange rumour about the segamat man running across the country looking for a male's toilet..and this man unfortunately entangled one of his feet with the other one while jumping so his superhero-costume has since got a big hole..hahahaha..

thumbs up for his determination to look for the toilet after the liquid and solid were 'jammed' inside for about an hour since the journey from the hostel to the workplace took about 70 minutes..since this incident people have been start talking and gossiping who this man would be..until now the result remains unknown but this rumour is getting stronger..until somebody suggested this morning that when someone is bored, he would randomly type a name of his friends and google it..so i think this might work in the searching machine so i decided to give it a shot..hopefully this big Segamat Man title would come out in the first line of the first page in google malaysia or else my effort would be in vain..

this post is purely nonsense and dont be sad even when the segamat man is reading it.. enjoy reading..

May Day

2010-10-04T12:04:00.000+08:00

温柔

走在风中今天阳光
突然好温柔
天的温柔地的温柔
像你抱着我
然后发现你的改变
孤单的今后
如果冷该怎么渡过

天边风光身边的我
都不在你眼中
你的眼中藏着什么
我从来都不懂
没有关系你的世界
就让你拥有
不打扰是我的温柔

不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明

不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你

不知不觉不情不愿
又到巷子口
我没有哭也没有笑
因为这是梦

没有预兆没有理由
你真的有说过
如果有就让你自由

自由
这是我的温柔

就让你自由

my blog is snowing!!

2010-10-03T13:24:00.000+08:00

hehe..finally my blog is snowing..and it snows in purple colour!! that's so great coz i finally get to do this..i know it is simple and easy, dont laugh ok.. javascript is so amazing..in the next few weeks i will learn the basic stuffs and C++ in my practical..hopefully by that time i will know better and thus creating more stunning effects in botakchen..

dream is really an amazing thing..you can combine the memory of the past and the present and create a whole new things in your mind..no wonder christopher nolan's inception won the heart of many of us..the idea happens all the time around us and he is the one who manages to capture it and put it into films for the first time..

well, this is just a short post..i am beginning to feel dizzy and lunch is still on the way..dont know how long will i have to wait..lets brush up and get going..

winter time

2010-10-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

this is another busy day..i went out to shop for my winter clothing and spent quite a lot on it..it will be a WOW when you look at the figures..but these are the necessary things that are worth to buy, unlike the android phone, which i have abandoned the thought of buying..money is limited, no choice..i cant just keep spending here and there before knowing how to make money myself, right?

recently i have been hooked to nikon d7000..while accompanying my housemates to buy cameras, i did some quick surveys on it and to my surprise, d3100 is already out in the market but limited to some places only..wow..it is incredibly cheap..with a 18-55 kit lens it is sold at ONLY 1950..compared with 550D with the same kit lens at 2699..this is really really cheap man..cant believe it..d90 is affordable, but if i got the chance i will definitely choose d7000..well, the chance figuratively means $$..haha..still working on it..preferable lenses are tamron 17-50 non vc lens and a nikon 18-105 vr lense..thats gonna take me 6k to buy all these stuffs.. *hope*

i am doing good, are you?

一路向北

2010-10-01T21:23:00.000+08:00

这首歌，听了五年感觉还是一直那么的好
就是这种感觉，陪我走了五年
不知不觉，时间也过得真快
每次心情不好时
这首歌一定出现在我曲目里
同房的一定都觉得我是个超级杰迷
但不知到到底为什么
听着杰伦的歌我的人生也跟着他的歌一起走
他的歌在我生命里不同的阶段出现
每一张专辑都有不一样的味道
不一样的故事不一样的情景不一样的感觉
半岛铁盒还记得第一次听他的时候我还在初中一
趟在床上
那时是古晋节在和爸爸和姐姐走街后
带我到肯雅兰的那间欢乐音带
买的八度空间
那间店可是我从杰伦的第二张专辑开始买的
之后的每一张我都会跑到同样的店购买
可能是熟悉感吧
那时笨笨的我变成现在的我
我不懂到底改变了多少
只知道又始至今还是听着杰伦的歌曲
不断的永远都不会改变
我爱他永远的爱的爱他

祝你好运加油

next station, refreshed.

2010-09-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

just finish my all-of-a-sudden night time footsal match with the alm juniors..feeling kinda refresh after the tormenting sore throat all day long..i think i am gonna fall sick again..influenza owh influenza..how can i ever get rid of you..but to be honest it has been a long time since i last fall sick..last year H1N1 break? yeah i think so..my friends and i were planning to go ipoh for the second time but i couldnt make it..and i have been labeled FFK king since..lol..that's not so good gua to ajak a group of friends but you suddenly pull out..i dont mean that i was sick..coz sometimes i really did ffk people..haha..but that was long time ago..and i have never since ffk-ed people for no reason..thats bad i tell you..coz being ffk-ed by your friends is definitely not something good also..why would i do these things if i dont want it to happen to me?

i finish my milling today, thanks to mike and we were the first group to be able to finish it..milling is kinda like the shaping and cutting of a metal piece and that's what i am learning in GMI..mechanical engineering, i am sure i am not wrong for choosing that..a lot of practical work to do, and i always hate theory..good then, i hope i can cope with the studies there..at least the interest in this subject will thrive me into succeeding in my life over there..it is not easy, but i am confident that this will be just another obstacle in my life that i can cope well with and sweetness will just await me afterward.. yeah i am feeling good..gonna sleep early coz tomorrow will be another exciting day..im going to the interview..woohoo..hopefully i can do well..but i am sure it is just a simple interview..wearing formal dress to kl sentral doesnt really look nice ba? well, hope i dont sweat then.. :)

听说爱情回来过

2010-09-29T23:29:00.011+08:00

sometimes traveling opens my eyes to the world..no matter how far the trip is..i always get to know a place more and know to observe the surrounding and know to sense any danger before me..it opens my eyes to this very beautifully created world..a friend of mine ever looked at my palm and said i have the traveling 'line' on it..and does that mean i will be traveling a lot in the future? no so exactly i guess..

in these years i have been to a lot of places in malaysia except sabah and penang..some places like malacca are like the second home after the one in shah alam..i am not even sure how many times have i been there and there's always a thing that amiss whenever i go there..i could not try the indian cendol stall in front of the red house along the river..it is whether closed or i dont get to go there..but i believe there is not any trip that is perfect..each trip i had is always imperfect..now i recall and i think it is kinda silly..really..it is just an excuse to go back to the same place again in the future..

i was in the ktm at 2200 and something struck me hard in my mind.. 5 years later, i am finally able to work, i am no longer a student, i dont play like a child anymore, i cant play as crazy as a 18-year-old teenager anymore and i dont do crazy stuffs anymore..there are thousands of them and i keep accumulating all those stuffs whenever i go..this is an irreplaceable memory in my life..you can buy all those memories you had in secondary school, in the days after spm, in the days you went to college or stayed out from your hometown for the first time in your life..i am glad for what i have today, although there is always imperfection in my life..always and i dont think this will ever change..i regret, but i still have to get going..that's life..and i cant wait for the day i finish my studies and work in this big city, the city i am born in..it is busy, it is fast..but i like the way it is..that's all.

you are leaving

2010-09-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

watching you from behind leaving slowly can be quite saddening..the image of you is fading slowly and soon you are nowhere to be seen..waiting for you to look back but you didnt..waiting for you to say one last good bye and wave me one last goodbye but you didnt..just wanted to say if you are doing great but never get the chance to do so..the words are silent and can only be heard inside the heart..you are leaving, soon.

im a big big boy

2010-09-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

just saw some of the profiles of some really "well-known" school mates in kuching..can never imagine how their lives are and how they work through the life they have chosen..some are really really really good while some get married, and i can even see their baby's pictures.. only three years and yet the changes are so big..what will happen in another three years? am i still alive? yeah i hope so..i will be struggling with the studies, i guess so..anyway, i am really really surprise when i saw the pictures..some faces you will always see them in the street, or in the night club..drinking and dancing..smoking and flirting..when i think of it, i feel like vomiting..the past experience i had is wholly shit..jeezz..hate it so much..sometimes i feel like i am really a small boy compare to those who has had big achievement in their hands..some can have a very sweet life and it is very different from mine..im not jealous..and i am not saying mine is not good..but i just feel like i am a small dot..thats all..

the 21st day

2010-09-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

went out to shop for winter clothing today in loke yew..damn tiring after walking whole day included the trip to mid valley.. if i were to buy all my winter clothing, i think i need around RM1000!! walao...this is soooo much..u have to consider everything and from that everything you have to shorten the list..if not i will have to spend more than 5000 just for the preparation to go oversea..this is seriously a burden to my father.. since d7000 is out i am thinking of every possible chances of getting it without overspending in other areas like clothing and gadgets..iphone, android, FORGET ABOUT IT TEMPORARY..perhaps this will help to reduce my weight since the most important thing of all is the camera and i have already kicked compact camera out of the list..i can buy a very good lense with this extra 800 spent on buying a useless camera which has a lot of limitation..but the problem is the body..it is not cheap but if i cut down my expenses in other field i believe i can do it :))

this is the 21st day..im getting out of it i believe i can..that're just too much of you appearing nowhere..i hate this but i had to do without it..

android 2.2 froyo

2010-09-24T18:33:00.000+08:00

does this sound new to you? it is the OS i am looking forward to having..everything is inside..although the market is not as big as apple store..but i am sure in the future android will be a tough competitor..it is cheaper and doesnt require i-Tunes..for windows OS user it is a big advantage since we cannot fully utilize itune in windows..everything have to be transfered through itune..even the photos you take you cant share it with your friends..what phone is this anyway? it is so cool and everybody loves it and i love it too..but the price is a little too much for a student to afford..way too much for a small gadget like this..so froyo also known as frozen yogurt is the ideal solution for us..

well, i havent booked the flight ticket back to kuching in december..still undecided..
the future is vague, is it not?

tired.

2010-09-23T20:38:00.000+08:00

coming back from the holiday is always as hard as ever..it has never been easy for me..this is the third day i reach shah alam and only now do i have the time to surf..the past three days include today are very busy..wake up early in the morning before sun rises and have to prepare to go to bangi for practical..by the time i come back it is already 8 something..shit..i am really really busy..dunno can i handle the the job or not if i really got it..

finally after so many days of thinking..this is the end..no more thinking..i have decided..sometimes there are just too many things to do and i really have no time for this..i should not have done this as it has become the burden for me in the last few weeks..no more no more..i just want to concentrate in the very last few months in malaysia..there are so many things that have not been settled out and so many ambiguous cases around..

i wont be seeing you again. all the best.

Blogging with iphone4

2010-09-21T18:42:00.001+08:00

Haha..brand new experience this is the first time using qwerty to blog..it feels weird but fun as well..especially when u can type quite smooth an there's a sense of pride within me.. Hahaha..

First day of practical actually.. And I'm very very bored here in gmi..walau eh..I came late to class today and I missed the first class today coz my flight is on 7.30am and reach here only two hours later..my raya holidays just end like this..kind of short actually but I enjoy it really..didn't manage to eat kueh chap this time coZ I ate too much bak cut Teh in the last two weeks until I feel so acidic after jogging for only ten minutes. Don't know whether it is due to my laziness or my eating habit. I find this very unhealthy to eat and not jog most of the time. I gained five more kilos and look fatter of course. That shows how much I enjoyed my holiday. HahHa.

sleepless

2010-09-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

i will be back in 12 hours time..and i am having a sleepless nite tonite..this is NOT emo..i am actually quite excited coz i am back with a different status in my life..i dont bring the burden of packed examination back to my hometown but the feeling of joyous and i am feeling really really light..i wanna sit down there in the couch of my car porch there reading The Girl who Played with Fire and enjoy every little seconds in my life..i have got nothing to do and life suddenly becomes so light and aimless..haha..there are a lot of preparation work to do in kuching..and i should not forget that..hopefully..

i bought a lot of clothes in kluang parade today..and i got lucky coz all the clothes i want fit me perfectly..no worries about the size and colour...but my wallet..im running out of $$ and i desperately need some $$ or work..shit i have over spent during the trip..cant help it either coz the shopping mood is coming back after gone missing for almost NINE MONTHS..yess..for nine months i did not shop due to the stress of A Level and DSH..but now they are all over and Mega Sale really comes on time..perhaps i should stay longer in december break since i have got nothing to do back there in kuching..jeezz my time here is numbered..i should really think of a plan or the time will only be wasted..gotta pack now :))

5.years.later

2010-09-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

today.i.saw.something.different..which.leads.me.to.think.that.certain.classes.of.
people.in.our.life.may.not.have.the.proper.life.we.all.have.coz.they.suffer.
seriously.from.poverty.and.health.problem..

i.met.a.volunteer..(i.hope.she.really.is.a.volunteer)..while.having.lunch.in
tangkak.beef.noodles...well..it.is.not.that.its.a.she.that.i.listen.to.her...she.shows
proves.by.which.i.believe.that.she.is.doing.her.voluntary.work..and.i.began.to.ponder
what.a.lucky.man.i.am.to.be.able.to.live.happily.with.the.one.i.love..i.got.my.hands.
and.legs..i.am.not.handicapped..i.can.think.properly..i.can.do.anything.i.wanna.do..
thats.enough.for.me..be.grateful.always.no.matter.what.happens..thats.how.to.train
ur.mentality.and.instead.or.groaning.always.and.non-stop..we.should.really.take.a
break.and.a.deep.breath.and.think.again.of.the.day.we.just.had..it.is.incredible.that
we.dont.have.any.accident.or.miscarriage.and.that.we.are.able.to.wait.for.tomorrow
comes..not.all.the.people.get.to.do.this.and.the.majority.of.us.keeps.complaining.
for.what.they.have.instead.of.appreciating.them.whole-heartedly..we.yell.always
when.things.do.not.go.according.to.our.will.but.have.we.thought.the.other.side
of.it.carefully?that.we.are.safe.and.we.can.try.again.if.we.fail..not.all.can
think.like.that..learn.to.be.patient.and.learn.to.control.ur.temper..thats
the.first.thing.i.wanna.do.and.master..

5.years.later..it.will.change..

5.years.ago

2010-09-13T21:17:00.000+08:00

5.years.ago..i.was.a.boy.then..going.back.to.this.place.is.a.completely.different
experience.for.me..batu.pahat.the.place.is...

hard.to.describe..but.i.really.dont.remember.anything.there.except.the.road
from.my.hotel.to.the.summit.back.then..funny.isnt.it?

i.thought.of.a.lot.of.things.today...most.probably.i.was.sitting.back.there
and.had.nothing.to.do.inside.the.car...it.was.hot.and.i.was.not.feeling.really
well..as.usual..and.i.realised.a.lot.of.things.that.happened.around.me..

would.it.not.be.great?if.everyone.of.us.knows.exactly.what.we.want.in.our.life
and.nobody.delays.doing.what.he.should.have.done.back.then?

funny,rite?

saddy

2010-09-12T18:45:00.000+08:00

it.is.like.going.back.to.an.old.place..but.i.hate.this.feeling..everything
seems.so.familiar..

this.has.to.be.my.first.time.traveling.with.a.friend.only.using
public.transport.entirely...i.am.now.in.kahang,a.small.town.next.to.
kluang.in.johor..it.is.raining.so.heavily.as.soon.as.we.left.kluang.for.kahang..
i.wasnt.in.the.mood..i.was.so.tired..and.i.fell.asleep.in.the.car..
johor--the.first.place.i.ve.been.to.ever.since.leaving.KL.at.the.age.of.five..
i.was.born.in.KL.and.grew.up.until.5.years.old.before.moving.to.kuching..
thanks.to.my.parents.education.i.was.raised.in.a.conservative.family.
so.my.mentally.is.100%.based.on.what.people.feel.and.think.in.kuching..but.that's
true.only.before.i.got.my.scholarship.and.moved.to.shah.alam.for.my
preparation.course.to.germany..i.went.to.batu.pahat.for.my.first.shooting.
competition.in.2005.and.since.that.johor.has.become.the.first.state.outside.
sarawak.that.i.went.since.leaving.KL..i.think.half.of.johor.is.covered.by
oilpalm.plantation.and.most.of.the.people.here.speaks.only.johorean.hokkien..
which.i.can.only.barely.understand..i.took.the.train.from.segamat.to.kluang..
without.realising.i.actually.bought.the.express.ticket..it.was.a.first.class
ticket..so.it.was.a.comfortable.journey.inside..i.sat.beside.the.window,
knowing.very.clearly.the.thing.i.was.looking.for.and.hoping.to.see..
i.thought.it.will.stop.at.every.station..so.that.i.have.the.chance.to.see.how.
bekok.station.looks.like..im.supposed.to.go.there.before.going.kluang..but
somehow.the.plan.doesnt.work.well.and.abandoned.was.the.plan..the.bak-kut-teh
i.had.earlier.on.in.segamat.was.really.nice.until.it.made.me.so.sleepy
and.i.had.problem.in.ensuring.myself.is.fully.awake..damn.it...i.miss.the.station
coz.the.train.is.not.stopping..i.am.waiting.and.waiting.and.waiting.there
without.knowing.i.have.actually.passed.the.place.i.wanted.to.see..i.only.
realised.it.once.i.looked.at.the.clock.and.one.hour.has.already.passed.and.this
whole.trip.was.supposed.to.take.only.75.minutes..i.knew.bekok.is.just.below.
segamat.and.how.could.i.missed.it..damn.it..i.can.hardly.make.anythings.work..
i.feel.so.useless..im.tired..i.wanna.go.home...

Muar-ing

2010-09-12T01:23:00.000+08:00

today.has.been.a.very.busy.and.unlucky.day..

but.lets.talk.about.the.good.things.first...
this.morning.i.have.my.breakfast.in.one.of.the.famous.eating.outlets.in.
melaka..it.is.not.bad.and.i.am.quite.full.after.eating.the.big.bowl
mee.before.leaving.to.muar..

muar..im.warmed.by.the.kind.hospitality.given.by.jingying.and.abiman..
we.ate.a.lot...and.there's.so.much.food.to.offer.in.muar
there's.one.street.called.tam.sek.kai(greedy.street)and.it.really.has.a.lot
of.delicious.goody.there.until.you.become.really.greedy.and.wanna.take.and.
try.all.the.food..soooo.fulllll.again..

the.cepat.express--my.bus.to.segamat..S.U.C.K.S
apparently.i.have.bought.this.bus.ticket.to.segamat..and.i.thought.it
was.just.an.ordinary.bus..who.knows...gg.de...it's.supposed.to.come
at.1630.but.instead.it.comes.at.1800..i.waited.there.under.the.hot
scorching.sun.without.a.slight.hint.of.wind.and.the.air.is.so.polluted
until.i.sneezed.for,more.than.20times.a.day...it.is.a.very.bad.experience
and.u.know.what.their.excuse.is??the.bus.leaves.batu.at.1630.and.the
traffic.is.jammed..wtf,you.are.supposed.to.come.at.1630.not.LEAVE.at.1630..
and.i.nearly.fainted.waiting.at.the.station...aiks..

muar.is.really.a.good.place.to.visit..i.like.it..very.much...
well..i've.been.to.every.part.of.peninsula
except.PINANG...
thats.next..definitely.

malacca-ing

2010-09-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

i.have.no.ideas.how.many.times.have.i.stepped.my.feet.to.this
so.called.very.historical.land.of.malaysia--malacca..within.these
two.years.i.think.i.have.come.here.for.the.fifth.time..if.im.not.mistaken
the.trip.here.always.and.only.has.a.reason--the.food..
i.like.malacca.coz.of.the.food..
you.can.find.food.here.everywhere.and.esp.the.cendol..and.thats.the.one
i.like.the.most..it.is.even.better.than.ah.yeo's.ais.kacang.in.my.place..
paiseh.lar.ah.yeo.but.ppl's.cendol.really.tastes.better.than.your.ABC.and.co..

as.usual,i.will.definitely.pass.by.certain.areas.which.i.have.already
very.familiar.with..i.think.i.can.recognise.most.of.the.roads.here
despite.the.confusing.and.problematic.distribution.of.roads..yeah.i.hate
the.roads.here.though.it.shows.timing..it.is.SO.CONFUSING.and.you
can.only.use.certain.roads.once.only.coz.it.is.one.way..so.you're.not.gonna
pass.it.twice.and.this.makes.it.harder.to.remember...

this.morning.im.going.to.muar.after.breakfast..it.will.be.the.first.time..
and.im.always.curious.to.find.out.how.on.earth.will.Namewee's.place.looks.like
it.is.time.to.find.out...

D.R.E.A.M.I.N.G

holdiay-ing

2010-09-10T01:17:00.000+08:00

i.am.currently.in.malacca.in.jude's.house.blogging..
and.i.am.bringing.my.wooden.pc.here.with.me.coz.its.life.is.to.be.
terminated.when.i.reach.kuching...this.wooden.pc.has.served.my.sister.
and.me.for.more.than.5.years.and.it.was.time.for.me.to.bid.farewell.
to.him.so.new.lappy.is.not.with.me.now.and.i.am.so.tired.after.walking.up.
and.down.for.more.than.10.times.two.days.ago..

apparently.the.tiredness.is.still.there.and.i.still.dont.get.enough.sleep
yesterday.i.was.with.chenliang.and.had.a.9.hour.air.conditioned.sleep..
but.still.not.enough..haiz..dont.know.what.is.happening.to.my.body

i.hope.it.is.not.so.annoying.when.you.read.this.coz.it.requires
a.lot.of.skills.and.patient.to.write.using.a.dot.instead.of.a.spacebar
:))

well,i.got.my.DSH.result.yesterday.and.i.got.80.marks..which.is.equivalent.to
2,7.using.the.german.scale..we.have.to.get.a.minimum.of.3.5.punkte
which.is.also.70.marks.above.to.be.able.to.fly.to.germany..
walao.eh..the.past.two.months.i.always.get.60.something.and.never
have.i.got.80.and.above..this.is.an.exception.and.i.am.glad.that
i.did.it..the.key.to.study.in.germany.is.already.in.my.hand..

and.the.second.part.of.my.life.is.starting.soon..imagining.germany
the.life.i.am.having.there
the.school.i.am.going.there..hopefully.it.will.be.HS-Karlsruhe
coz.it.is.well.related.to.the.automobile.industry.in.germany
Prof.Hettersheimer.told.us.that.studying.in.Germany.is.like.studying
in.the.TOP3.country.in.the.world.beside.USA.and.japan.technologically..
wow..it.is.so.fun.to.hear.about.this..yeah.im.flying.and.those
who.wanna.send.me.can.always.do.so.next.january..
i.think.i.wont.be.coming.back.to.malaysia.in.the.near.future.gua..who.knows..
thats.it..gonna.sleep.first..

A.N.T.I.C.I.P.A.T.I.N.G

it all started with a BIG BANG

2010-09-08T15:27:00.000+08:00

big bang's theory..a very funny sitcom and kiam pak as well..

i have gotten my result today..which means, im eligible to study in germany finally..i am glad for what i have been through in these two years and there is no more for me to worry anymore..the real challenge is finally there, to live in a world that nobody understands you for quite a number of years and be independent completely..

chosen is my interest, i have decided, Karlsruhe is the place..it is quite a big city, the living expenses is high..bout 600 euro? it is a one-hour train from stuggart ( baden wuertermberg's capital ), it is beautiful, very very.. i can work in frankreich ( france ) for my praktikum..and i am gonna take french in my first sem ( it is compulsory to take a foreign language in your first sem, i wouldnt want to take an extra language if it is not compulsory ) yeah that is it..i can write/speak chinese, malay, english, german, and maybbe french? wow, that is so cool..taking french coz it is famous for the airplane construction, spanish coz it is famous for the solar technology..i know it is hard, but my life has just started..i like it :)

chrome it, google

2010-09-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

google chrome, i dont like it though..it is fast, simple and require only 10 mb of ram..but i dont like it..coz it has a name chrome, which means something better..but i just dont go into it.

for the first time we alg-ians had our first and last steamboat in malaysia together with all other ctes classmates..almost all is here, except noobie liang and ting mui bank..these two buddy have something in common..they are adorable..and that is why they choose not to come..lol..many people who are adorable sometimes find it difficult to go on their life..coz they are so adorable, they may face a lot of difficulties we normal people unable to face..im not talking about my two buddies but people who are just adorable..after doing my DSH i feel like i got nothing left to do..the world is free..i feel so free..probably this is the time to just sit back and relax, after more than two years of fighting, i can really rest finally..well, i just like this feeling, ohne probleme, ohne schwierige gedanken,ohne was zu tun, ohne dich in meinem leben zu haben..das ist alles, ich habe fast alles versucht, dich anzurufen..ich warte auf deine schrift taeglich..aber alles ist schon vorbei..die zeit ist schon vorbei..and that is it.

quite a lot of things happened today..my motorbike rosak again..which i dont feel like fixing it anymore..we had steamboat..and while shopping for the goods we had quite a number of surprises..and i am really happy that everything goes fine despite the obstacles we had earlier on..i am so tired but i still dont wanna go to bed..shit, i realise this is all useless..

i wanna run away..far far away..to be chromed, by google..

it is all gone. temporarily.

2010-09-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

yo..this is the day..that is it..im waiting for this day for more than 2 years already..i thought i will be on cloud nine by the day it comes but i dont really feel a change today..but it i am glad it is all over..i am officially unrelated to intec anymore...i dont have to attend any classes or sit any exams anymore, not in malaysia..the future is decided..i am there, finally..

the bad news is, im not over yet..i feel really down..down from inside..the weather is just cloudy, the the rain is pouring inside my heart..each time i think of it, i feel really down..not wayne jones' down please..i dont have the mood for that..you know how it feels like, when somebody is gone forever? no way to be seen, nowhere to be contacted..i have flunk..totally.

dream

2010-09-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

everybody's back home.. the atmosphere here is not correct, and loneliness has once again taken charge of the whole community in cemara..you cant see anybody except the very few of us walking in and out of the gate..the pak guard and mak guard are there..the buildings stand there as usual, the bazaar is still here, and the crowd is still here..i miss the days, damn it..

sometimes i will ask myself, will you come back in summer next year? part of me wanted to say yes coz i can see my younger sister wearing her sky blue pinafore and my brother is going to higher secondary and probably my sister will be going somewhere far from home..and mummy and daddy will be smiling all day coz they dont really have much worries in their life..i will have my breakfast in the cool and breezy morning reading the star and maybe i will go for a walk nearby..this is so perfect as i can really sit back and relax, totally..but the other part of me doesnt allow me to do so..i want to be independent and start my holiday with a summer job or maybe go traveling i dont know..just to make myself occupied, okay..it is not about studying there, but growing up and learning to be a man..it is not easy nor is it very hard, just need some time to get over it and i believe i can do it with my own hands..anyway this is the life i have chosen and there is no turning back..i would want to have a lot of money and traveling around wont be a problem to me anymore..there is just so many things that i wanted to do in my life over there..uncountable and you may say i am unrealistic sometimes..yeah i am and will always be coz planning and dreaming about is something that has been with me long time ago..i cant change the fact that i am going to plan the whole thing out given the task i have in my hands..i like sitting down with a pencil in my hand and trying to figure out a plan or designing something which is unreal, and this has lead me to choosing mechanical engineering coz i like designing so much and new concepts keep popping out in my mind..i cant choose architecture coz my seni sucks and it is too late to do so..combining physics and maths with my concept will be something i am really looking forward to..

coming back to reality, the exam's is on monday..there is fewer than 24 hours to go and for me to have the final push..i am ready than ever..the time will come and i am sure i can see the road of the other side of the river..wait for me and i shall go with you..

looking forward to

2010-09-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

this struck me hard.. instead of reading the notes i am doing something else, again.. but i dont feel bad about it this time.. coz after this i will be totally free..free from exam..this is the last exam im gonna sit in malaysia.. i wont be having any lectures in english anymore, and this is the hard truth i have to accept..nothing's gonna change this fact.. and i should be reminded again and again that this is not something easy and i should work hard till the last minute to get it..or else the effort that i have put in in the last month will be in vain..

im delighted to be ale to be with you..i should always be..thanks.

people come, people go

2010-09-02T19:18:00.001+08:00

is there an end to this? people are coming and going constantly in and out of our life even though you really wanna freeze the time to buy yourself more time to be with her but in the end it will not be fruitful as you will only be seeing the one you love leaving you or rather you are leaving them entirely..especially at every stages of life at the moment you care the one the most at this very time it happened..

there's nothing you can do about it but to appreciate the time you have so that you wont leave any regret this is not shit and i am writing this right exactly on what i feel or think of at the moment..this is not strange or fresh to me anymore and i am getting used to the current situation no matter what happen in the end..sometimes you just feel like stick to your own decision and decide not to hold back my feeling anymore..sometimes you think that being silence will solve everything or maybe help the situation, but it only drags you on and off and without really realizing it, you have the hell of problem before you..you then try to make it better by explaining but then you put the shit deeper and deeper coz people will think that explain means excuse and the more you explain the more you hurt her..go die la please this is not a mind game or a child game you think i am that free to play with you who do you think you are then and i dont have and wont have the time to play hide and seek with you okay and if you think you are special please allow yourself to do so coz it will make you feel better meanwhile i feel like shit you know but i think you wont know either coz you will only think you are good you are right you are cool and you deserve better well thats so right and i have to agree with you coz i am a jerk..yeah i get that please go along coz in the end we have to get things moving on right? shut the fak up.

am i that patriotic?

2010-09-01T20:35:00.000+08:00

yes...you may wonder if i really am that patriotic or not..for supporting our country and you may think that i support BN as well..well, the answer is, i am thankful to my homeland for giving me all the chances in my life..i learned a lot under this roof and there is not anything that i will want to complain on..i know there is a lot of things that could not satisfy our basic needs in our life, and we constantly express our dislike or comments through various kind of media, blog is one of them of course..

i like malaysia because of the food..because of the way people behave ( we can 'kiss' the ah neh in mamak stall or stare at them if they dont understand us or even wave our hand and click them just to get the ah neh's attention.. ) i can still eat and drink and feel the very warm atmosphere here and the weather is fine, very very fine too..we dont need a Heizung, or a heater in english...but we need Klimaanlage pretty much..haha and thats our style..when i go out, i feel free to bargain, i feel free to talk to the people, using the way we are brought up to..i dont feel ashamed..i enjoy it..i like to take the Metrobus and see the driver wave in and out of the busy traffic in kuala lumpur..u know they can really drive the bus just like a Kancil where you can cut in and out everytime..that is so cool..haha..you dont get this outside malaysia..i like the food, every state has its own distinct food..and it taste great..you cant find any other place in the world where the spirit or culture of the rakyat is mainly based on food..we talk about food almost everyday and will always think of what food we wanna take next..we cant stop thinking about food and that has made us a great nation with a vast variety of food, chinese indian malay thais western everything..just name it and you can find one in the GPS..i like this country..i dont know what will happen to the politics and economy after i graduate but i will definitely come back and serve my country..coz it is the place that shapes me..

Merdeka

2010-08-31T21:05:00.001+08:00

first of all im glad that im able to be with here with our country to celebrate his 53rd birthday..well the celebration is just as simple as it used to be and i am taking this day to just relax and without doing anything serious..im patriotic from inside, definitely not outside coz i think thats ridiculous to hang so many flags around ONLY a few days before and after the national day..loving our country should start right from the heart..dont criticise our country especially the government since you cant do anything better to improve the current situation..

we should not be asking what our country can give us, but how are we going to give our country..how are we gonna repay him..there is a news recently involving a headmistress voicing her opinion about the other races..im sure you all know who this person is..no doubt that is she and she has ridiculously given a crap out in the public..WHAT is she to comment in the public? and i am actually quite disappointed by the way our system deals things with..we dont see any comment or report on how she is charged for saying we chinese should just go back home ( i strongly against it coz for me MALAYSIA is my home) and the indians should not have worn the string..what the HELL, dont be sarcastic..i know i am not suppose to comment, but i really feel like the system should be fare to all..dont deal things according to the culture and person..but rather the whole..if this is wrong then we should not cover it up and tell the public what punishment she is gonna get..dont hide the fact from us..we are not kids anymore and the more you hide the more you will only get yourself into the big deep shit..i am always neutral on this and whoever did it wrong should be punished accordingly..NO EXCEPTION you know..just because our skin is different it doesnt mean that we have the right to be treated like this..

im thinking about PR, permanent residence..im not gonna get one, but i think those malaysians having a PR are just stupid enough to sacrifice their own citizenship and follow pak nang eh ka ceng..suku gong..dont you know that apart from our country there are a lot of other countries, and i really mean a lot, that is not so good either..you think once you get out of malaysia you can enjoy a better life? yeah you definitely can earn more coz you get some big business..and maybe you will like the life there and make no complains about it..and maybe you like the culture there because you think yours are not so good or ''international''..but one thing for sure is that your KIDS, im 100% sure they can really enjoy their childhood..all the do in the childhood is traveling..WITH YOU..ok, you may say that if it is not you whos gonna take them for traveling..fine, but thats not really my point..you look at them, how they grow and compare with how you grow..maybe you think it is good for them but have you asked them their feeling? i BET NOT coz i am a chinese also and i know how our family is..we think thats good for us, and that is going to be good for our kids also..in the end they dont really have a distinct background and they dont even know their roots..if u wanna get PR, go get yourself..get for your spouses too, but dont include your kids..they are innocent and dont know how to judge..you may have determined how their futures are by this simple act..when people ask them,

-are you chinese?
yeah i am
-so you come from china?
no, im from malaysia
-whats the difference between the chinese in china and chinese in malaysia
( well, we are not so physically different from one another. but mentally we are worlds apart) thats what you wanna say but you feel like not telling that guy,so you dont really know the answer or maybe you dont know how to answer him. even though u parents are coming from malaysia but you are not brought up here and you dont know a darn about our culture..you dont..and you are the creation of todays banana or whatsoever..im not holding personal grudge towards the bananas but there it is..they are malaysian but they dont know a thing about their country..and maybe they will also complaint about the country like their parents everytime when they come back and they STILL do the same thing over and over again..

im really sad about this..but what can we do? you cant control them coz you dont have the rights and power to do so..and i can only do the best for my kids..i will get them a normal childhood..a SRK and SMK, let them live and feel like a true malaysian..thats the spirit..i dont care how bad our education system or politics are..as long as they are going to live together with other races and make friends with them and share common goal and interest with one another, im satisfied..

so simple, but not many people can do it.

time traveling

2010-08-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

it was like time traveling..but i aint time traveler..the past weekend was an experience for me..kinda new and fresh..the first time this feeling was so strong that i really wanted to have a daughter..i hate to have a son..they are simply too naughty..am i crazy? nope..i like playing with babys..the moment they smile or laugh because of your stupid gesture really makes me on cloud nine..heheee..that means i am succeeded in making them laugh..and they are so pure and innocent that when u play with them they play with you whole heartedly..unlike the present situation where everybody might be faking around you even if they are smiling or they dont look like they are having grudge against you..i hate the faking people who know only faking and faking and nothing..why so KS?? mentioning you here will only pollute my blog..cheh..

finally, i finish reading the time traveller's wife..at first i thought the story was about henry so why on earth does the writer wanna put his wife as the title? then i slowly realise that clare's story is actually cronologically written whereas henry is a time traveler and of course his part has nothing to do with order..he flies here and there and it makes me go banana when i start reading it..

a very powerful and rare story..you cant find this very often..and no wonder it is the bestseller for so many weeks..the story can really get you going around and make your heart beat faster just to wonder what will happen next..highly recommended, but please dont watch the movie first..it will only spoil everything..

hey wait

2010-08-29T14:13:00.001+08:00

i should be studying in these 4-day holidays but end up doing things that are not related to studies..DSH is due on next monday..HV and LV is still a big challenge for me..but i am confident i can get through this one day..

have been doing some online research recently and found out that online shopping is quite convenient and cheap, provided you are not able to get the products you want in your area..i read a comic from my cousin entitled October, it is meant for children below 15 i think, i found something very interesting inside..i like the way chinese literature is written and published..it kind of reminds me of my childhood when i was still a standard 6 student and was eager to read more about these books..i know i am not 12 anymore but i still like to read chinese literature, especially those very heart-warming kind of books..aiks miss those days man..thats why i wanted to shop suddenly..feel like spending this afternoon in kinokuniya..hehe...but i will have to finish my LV first..

sometimes i was surrounded or rather engulfed by the thoughts of some uncertainties in my life..there are questions that i want to answer immediately..but i was unable to do so..due to time constrain or maybe the exam's coming..the pressure built inside is not minimal,i hate to say this but after looking at the facts and truths and even i was convinced earlier on, i still have the feeling that this is uncertain oder unsicher..is the answer there? or i am the answer to everything? i am quite doubtful..please please please time passes quicker so that i can find the answer..i need one..lol..what rubbish am i talking about..i also dont know..

i remember the first day i saw the money in my account and it had many digits that i cant imagine what deep shit i am in right now..the money is barely enough for me to live for the next two months..with the johor trip an exception, it can barely last me for the last two months here..shit im gonna need more money and it is time to start working..Mc D? yeah i think so..coz that's the only company that is willing to hire those unqualified workers like me and i can only work for a few weeks..sambil belajar sambil bekerja..lol..cant even get the htc desire i wanted..there are so many things in the list but i can only afford a few..not to mention my winter clothing and new shirts and shoes..i havent been to shopping since chinese new year so you can see the determination within to save more money..but i guess in the end i could hardly save any..poor thing..

you appear nowhere in my mind, just like henry in time traveller's wife..i am reading it and reaching the end and time traveling or rather cronologically unstable is something refreshing and new in our life..if i can time travel, that will be so awesome i think..lol..

anyway,

time is running up..3 more months..i am starting to get ready emotionally..have been doing all the research about the basic requirements over there..maybe i am a little too paranoid but i like doing all these stuff..it makes me feel calm..i long for the day to suit up..and i am sure this day will come eventually..jiayou!!

nostalgic

2010-08-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

remember the time when u were wearing the school uniform and a jean-style green pants? and a half faded school badges sewed to the left corner of your yellowish white shirt? i miss the time a lot..i could not miss it more..

togetherness..that is what i like..hanging out without any purpose on the street, wearing school uniform to cybercafe..doing stupid things that i wont want to recall..and i really feel stupid for doing it..haha..there are so many things that i have tried before..some went well but some did not..and it all shaped what i am today..i pretty appreciate it, since it was the only time that i was given the freedom to do such things..and time wont allow you to repeat it for another time..i like the way i was..i like the way people called me when i was in kuching high..i miss the time..love it so much..

immer positiv

2010-08-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

du hast schon 2 jahren deutsch gelernt..trotz der schlechten note gibst du mit deinem leben auf? was ist los denn..

people are passing by our life daily..we deal with a lot of people from different classes..sometimes we will meet someone who is just a passer-by in our life..but sometimes we meet the one that is going to stick with you for the rest of your life..you might not find it out now..nor know who this person is..it is just amazing to stop what you are doing and have a deep breath and start to think back of the past one hour everytime..stop and think..you will discover a lot of coincidences in your life..and sometimes you may find that you have done something very funny or have lost your temper because of something insignificant..when we look back we realise..take a break and your day will seem so much easier than it is..

the title ,,always positive'' in german teaches me a lot of things..and i am glad for what i have been through all in these two years..perhaps it is insignificant to you..it becomes part of my life..part of my story..you wont know it until you are there to see, to feel and to know what you are doing..

im alive for thousands times..and i am glad that i did..i died and i live..it is the spirit that keeps me fighting..i like this feeling, coz it will always be there for me whenever i am lost..i cried, but i smiled again..there are so many funny and wonderful moments that i would like to keep it for the rest of my life..there are also difficult times when my heart has almost sunk to the bed of the deep blue ocean, unable to breathe and suffocate..but you are always there for me..i am really glad..i am not taking this advantage to thank you coz i know that will not be enough..we are friends forever and ever..though people are constantly changing, and i am not exclusion..i know one day i will change..and i may not be the same person you knew before..but one thing for sure, our root will not change..no matter what it cant change the fact that i have a very warm family who will always be there to support me..and the fact that i am brought up in the way that nobody can change my thinking..though attitude might vary, our heart will always be the same..

life is immer positiv..if you are not one of them, dann geh weg..coz you wont find any meaning in your life anymore..

sometimes i am wondering am i writing too much? no, definitely not..this is the space for me to express myself and no one can stop me from doing this..i may have hurt someone through this blog but i believe the world is always mutual..you dont hurt me and i wont hurt you, aint that right?

ich bin dran.

2010-08-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

it is my turn..every night i think about the possibility of being able to fly..my friends, i am sad for them, for two years we are sharing the same dream and now we have to bid goodbye..i hope you all will continue fighting in your life..this is not the end of everything..you have still got your life to work on, starting from tomorrow it will be all clear, will it? im giving myself another tomorrow..and tomorrow and tomorrow..

i feel heavy..i wanted to rest..oh god please allow me to do so..haiz..cheer up, and it will be fine..

alle zusammen, oder? :)

road to nowhere

2010-08-22T18:32:00.000+08:00

i have been to my sifu's place in seremban or to be precise, Lukut this weekend..i hate saying this, but i realise how small and pity i am compared to those hardworking and disciplined people, who are by far more outstanding than me..i am a kid, sometimes i feel like..and i miss you..the night is lonely again..but it is time to go back to reality and start the first day of my last two weeks here in intec and after this i can really rest and have a long long sleep..i am too tired to be active again..i wanna sleep..just one good sleep will do..

what do you want from me

2010-08-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

the night is calm and breezy..i finally got my result today..it was unexpected..but i did it once again..i remembered in standard six i was labeled as some naughty fella who was lucky enough to get myself into the top fifteen..it was the first time i ever wanted to achieve something high in my life..coz it made me feel good to be able to talk to the girl i admired by getting myself into the group of people who always fixed the places in top ten..and without realising it i have since stepped into the cycle of unknown..everybody thinks that i am a good boy academically..i look tough physically..but i wasnt at all mentally strong..i felt uneasy when people observed me..i was ashamed to talk to girls, or even got near to them..i wasnt that cool at all, and silence was always my best friend..i dont like talking much when i dont feel like talk too much..and sometimes people misunderstands me by grouping me into someone who doesnt feel much verbally and facially..

over the years..becoming top in something i dont like like academic is not the thing i have always wanted to do..i want to do things in my way..the way i enjoy doing it..the way i like and i can control the situation..that's pretty much like a big man's attitude..maybe, maybe not..things that happened just now were a mirror of what i felt before..being left out of a group and u never find your way back to it anymore..i sympathize those who cannot get through the cut off points..coz it means the end of the day, doom..everything u have hope for and worked hard for is gone in the second u saw ur result..everyone wants to fly to germany and everyone worked so hard for it..and yet the reality seems to be too good to be true..you wont get what you wish for even though you have worked hard for it..i saw sadness in their faces..i wanted to console them..but i felt like it was better if i could wait for a couple of days until they are calm and ready to face the fact that they have flunked the test and there is not any chance for them to reverse the result..i know it is hard to accept..i have been there once..everyone who is having their high time or who has got all A's for the subjects seems to be just unsatisfied with their result..they wanted to get more,-- A* . It is the higher level of result that everybody is dreaming for coz it symbolises something special and make you special also..but what for?

it is just a sign that shows you have pretty much fcked the time you have had in front of the books and knows nothing or maybe a little about life..you want for more and ask for more..you think u have failed simply because you cant get A*. have you ever not thought of those who could hardly dream for an A? have you ever stood by their sides when they are falling down helplessly? i dont know about you but i really feel for them..it is not easy to console them, not to say helping them to get out of the shadow..of course, you can say that that is none of your responsibility..but the moment you ask for more it just shows that how greedy you are..i am good with what i have..i wont demand for more coz thats the best i could give..coz the paper shows nothing but how you are in your life..theoretically good but practically zero..i have seen through it, i know clearly what i want to achieve in my life..let the past be the past and concentrate on your goal..the beauty of achieving your goal is when you fully enjoy what you did during the journey, and not complain about it..stop faking around and be yourself..coz the mask you wear makes everybody sick of you, if you dont notice. you know who you are and what you did..we all deserve a chance..and i hope you will learn from your life..but i dont think so.

after.lunch

2010-08-18T14:35:00.000+08:00

usually.you.will.be.very.full.by.this.time.and.you.start.to.feel.dizzy.
it.is.time.to.go.bed.for.a.short.nap..

blogging.requires.self-esteem.and.an.extreme.feeling.that.it.is.hard.to
describe..nevertheless,both.of.them.are.not.with.me.right.now..
this.article.is.meant.for.fun..

my.stomach.is.calling.me..
and.it.is.time.for.me.to.bathe..

no.homework...yeshhh.frau.katerina..ich.liebe.dich..tschuss.frau.klose..
leider.liebe.ich.dich.nicht........xD

dot.dot.dot...

2010-08-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

if.you.try.to.read.this..
you.are.amazing.and.i.thank.you.for.willing.to.spend.your.little.but
precious.time.on.it..

dot.has.become.part.of.my.life..it.is.the.leftover.from.my.sister's.laptop
younger.sibling.will.inherited.all.the.used.stuffs..aint.it.right?

so.i.will.just.stick.to.dotting.around..
nothing.special..just.some.random.scratches.and.digging.stuff.from.my.feeling
so.strange.but.true..
that.i.actually.have.a.nicer?older?german.lecturer.than.the.previous..
question.mark.is.meant.to.be.answered.in.the.future..maybe.she.is.not.that.nice
as.she.seems.to.be?but.the.first.day.she.did.show.kind.of.major.changes.from.
the.previous..i.appreciate.it..really..thanks.for.arranging.one.for.me..
and.these.three.weeks.will.not.be.spent.doing.unnecessary.things..
it.is.the.last.three.weeks..before.i.officially.ended.my.studies.in.INTEC
i.have.always.wanted.to.leave.here...
i.have.always.wanted.to.run.away.from.here..
staying.here.especially.after.july.just.makes.things.worse..
every.corner.i.turned.i.saw.the.shadows.of.my.friends..
i.cant.help.remembering.the.times.we.had.together..
although.they.came.from.different.programmes..
although.we.were.sharing.different.Ziel.in.our.lives..
there's.something.that.keeps.us.together..
that.make.the.click
and.it.is.the.click.that.i.wonder.and.appreciate.the.most

after.five.years..
will.we.still.be.the.same.again?
laughing..cheering..catching.up.one.anothers'.lives..
i.bet.not..
not.to.mention.them
those.who.were.once.my.classmates.in.secondary.form..
have.not.since.we.last.met.contacted.each.other..
even.there's.some.gatherings.going.on..
you.could.just.feel.the.difference..
the.gap.in.between..
you.feel.awkward.to.talk.to.them
you.dont.know.what.to.talk.about
but.im.not.you
i.tried.talking.to.you.all
i.tried.making.the.atmosphere.better
i.tried.connecting.you.all
back.to.where.it.was.years.ago
but.it.just.cannot.click..
it.is.different..though..
i.dont.like.this...honestly
but.what.can.i.do.to.make.amend?
what.can.i.still.do?
was.kann.ich.noch.tun?
damit.sie.sich.diese.Entfernung.von.ein.anderen.nich.fuehlen.koennen..
ich.kann.aber.nichts.tun..
ihnen.zu.sehen..dass.sie.von.ein.anderen.weiter.sind..
wir.benehmen.uns.streng..
i.cant.help.it..
i.wish.i.can.do.something.about.it..
but.i.aint.superman..
why.should.i.do.all.these.things.again.and.again..
without.realising.that.people.might.not.appreciate.what.you.did
they.will.only.critisize.you..behind.you..
thats.all..stop..
i.aint.stupid..
i.have.feeling.also..
dont.you.know.that.i.am.also.the.very.human.like.you.all?
you.cant.feel.me
coz.you.thought.you.are.always.the.one.to.be.pleased..
you.think.you.are.different.from.us..
you.think.you.cannot.mix.with.us.anymore..
coz.we.dont.share.any.common.topics.anymore..
the.more.you.think.about.it
the.more.mistakes.you.are.gonna.make..
you.thought..
you.thought.
you.thought.it.is.correct..
it.should.be.the.way.it.seems.
you.stick.to.your.decision
you.and.your.friends.stick.together...
you.form.smaller.groups...
and.the.groups.get.smaller.and.smaller..
until.you.feel.lonely
whats.wrong.with.you?
im.not.Ausnahme.though
i.made.mistakes.
i.am.willing.to.change.
but.will.you.know.that.i.have.changed?
without.really.talking.to.me??
u.think.u.are.who.you.are..
ego.
arrogant..
scheisse.

well..thats.all.i.wanted.to.say
i.know...
after.all..
it.aint.gonna.change.nothing.
the.sky.is.still.blue..
and.i.will.still.have.to.go.to.classes..
let.it.be..
why.not?
after.all..
it.is.faith.

你不知道我为什么离开你

2010-08-15T01:24:00.000+08:00

在很久以前
我曾经喜欢过你
就单单纯纯的以为
这是一切
就这么样的喜欢
也许只是这一点点的喜爱
让大家都了解了不少事情
成长了许多
很感谢这一切
我或许不会是你生边的人
你或许也不是我故事里的那个人
但我很确定
你不知到我为什么离开你

我曾经伤害过你
也被你伤害过
曾经放弃过你
也被你放弃过
可能就是没缘分

好笑
我怎么这么土呢
太旧没写中文了吧
现在写起来都觉得怪怪的
大概是听了力宏这首歌
让我不小心想起了你
时间能改变一切
你说的
但我不认同
人得永往直前
过去的
就算了吧
把它当做
独一无二的回亿
不好吗

想去看看这部电影
力宏和杰伦
还是jay比较geng!!
你永远都不知道
这不能说的秘密

u will never know it is time

2010-08-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

so one month has passed and my time with frau dr klose has come to an end..i wont say it ends abruptly and i did respect her in terms of she being my lehrerin and i am her shueler..but i realise a very unique way of respecting others while holding your anger and every grudge she has against you..anger is not a very wise way to express yourself. and being scold by her everyday had nearly become my daily routine besides spending 3 to 4 hours doing the hausaugabe. you do your teaching i do my own work..there is a fine line between lehrer und shueler..it is up to you to judge it yourself..

having seen maria after school..i realise time can really change a lot of things in your life..she was four months now and her body suggests that she really has a wonderful time with the baby inside her belly..it is so sweet and lovely to see the woman u love pregnant and you cant help but to see her smiling all the time..i like this feeling very much..too bad i was not there to look at my mum when she was carrying my little sister inside..

you know the book time traveller's wife? the reading is almost done. there is a lot of inner thoughts while reading it especially when it comes to the fact that i am going to leave soon..i wanted to look at this positively, that i will have a brand new life and manage my life in my own..i could work for everything i want and i do not want to spend a single cent of my parents' money..and i do not plan to come back until i get my degree..but i know it is only true for certain parts..money i can totally manage it at my own..but the feeling about my family is the most difficult task for me to tackle..you would not know, you seat down there and images of your mum eating with u surface..you look at a street boy, and you think of your brother and sisters..whatever you do in your life no matter of insignificant it is you cant run away from your family..and family is the thing i care the most..seeing my parents getting older everyday is not something easy..i feel uneasy coz as i am closer to the life i have wanted, the more i feel for my parents..life itself is wonderful, i keep telling myself..it is, but you have to bear the pain when you get seperate from the one you love from time to time..you are closing your dream, they are nearer to death..day by day unnoticingly..so sad but true..

four more months. good bye.

randomness

2010-08-07T17:13:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning to find out that the days here are getting less and less and probably i can start counting the numbers of days left in malaysia..this feeling struck me and made me want to appreciate the days here more..i could not help but think that my house in kuching is further away..days of going out with mummy to the market and with daddy to have breakfast become a past in my life..it is sad to think like this..perhaps i should be more optimistic..the challenges will only start as soon as i land my feet in germany..have to speak german days and nights and the lectures are no longer conducted in english..the last day of my english-taught-chemistry and physics and mathematics class was over..i can only dream of being taught in english..no more english..how sad it is..but somehow this is great..it shows that i am ready to move on to the next stage of my life..to write a brand new chapter of my life with my own hands..no one can give me or lend me the experience of living outdoor alone for 5 years..i could end up being one of them..i could have married a german..but i do not want..this is not the life that i wanted to be..i want to be creative..i want to control the tempo of my life..i hate people faking all the time..i am rather straight and honest and i dont know how would i change once i go there..it is mysterious..it is exciting..to be able to step out of malaysia for the first time..i wish i wont miss home..so that i wont find an excuse to go back..i wanna live there until i get my master..there are a lot of things i wanted to do in my life..and most of it i wanna do it there..not negative of course..but things i would like to try out..like inventing something new to the auto industry..some ideas have been in my mind for so long that i can barely wait for the chance to come and make them real..yeah..i like this feeling..my friends have been doing well here..i am glad that they do..coz this road is gonna be real far and challenging..ok..it is time for me to go kl..

im in the middle of no where..i dont wanna make any decision..coz this will only hurt you more..sooner or later..i hope you will realise how it feels like..i hope you wont be mad at me.. ;)

after life

2010-08-05T23:22:00.001+08:00

it is hard days followed by hard feeling..i never like cemara before..it is awesome..i cant imagine leaving this place in 3 months time..i will be waving bye bye to my houmates..to my roommate..to my colleagues..to everybody i have met..it is not the time yet.i know.but soon..real soon.

F

2010-08-03T14:02:00.000+08:00

F is,

fush, i aint stupid.

how could it be

2010-07-26T14:29:00.000+08:00

how could it be
when the odds are against yuor will
when the light faded away
shattering the only hope you left in this world
when you feel like you are alone
just admit it
you are
the more you wanted to hide from being hurt
the more you will feel the kick
it isn't funny
it isn't a joke
it ain't lie
it ain't a truth either
it is life
that you have to get through it
have to live with it
have to bear with it

how could it be
when i can no longer feel the weight
you once entrusted upon my shoulder
i let you down
i let you all down
i fail again
i feel so weak
i feel like being cheated
but nobody knows
is that true or just a creation of my own
if it ain't true
why would i feel so heartbroken
if it ain't lie
why would i feel the difference
i just wanna run away
away from this world
away to this very own world of mine
world behind my wall
i feel safe there
i feel calm there
i wanted to rest for a while
i am tired of the playing the card
you won, i lose
or i won, you lose
this is not the matter of winning or losing
this is not the matter of hiding or running away
have you ever feel like
your heart is being peeled layer by layer
by somebody you have known for quite some time
it is not the process of peeling
it is not that i got freaked out
but it is that i found out
that this is not my world anymore
the confidence that i have built
it all disappear
like a rolling stone
brings everything from top to bottom
and nothing is left behind
all my work, my life
are no exception
i am not being childish
but i just hope it could be better
thoughts that have been going through my minds
you read them one by one
you tear them one by one

how could it be
that i would fall for you
though i know it is highly impossible
but stepping into the traps
is all but my own will
i have nobody to blame
i am not this childish
and this is not the blame game
you know me
and i know you
this is it.

hurt

2010-07-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

first of all this IS NOT emo..so dont think that i am the guy who always gets emo easily..

this song has been going through my mind all day..it is by christina agurella..nice song..

and i am happy xD

farny.

2010-07-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

it is a fun day..with lots of funny things going around like the eye on malaysia in malacca which is temporary closed and waiting to be rolled out of the river by local authorities..of course it is just a simile and it has nothing to do with what i experience today..

even though life is short, and sometimes things that you do or did whether purposely or unintentionally will shape our life..for me, i have nothing more to offer or to accept but like and love the fact that i am what i am today..i enjoy living my life and prepare to face the music and bear with every outcome possible..i dont blame others for making my life miserable, albeit bad timing, coz i am the one that is gonna live with it..

guess i am talking crap again..

i know and fully understand what i need the most today..what i missed or was fehlt mir ist es mir total egal..i dont care the past, thought it had caused me a great deal of troubles..some memory or some unpredictable or unhappy stuff could just be left behind the wall..no one's gonna know it for sure and you can keep it forever with you..

i am not supposed to talk crap again..but i did..

i was or rather am in the mode of confusion..i am stuck with 2 choices in front of me..just like the poem i learned in form four..the road not taken or something like that..it is not the outcome that matters the most but the time when u walk through it or rather live with it..
and probably this is what i am experiencing now..i may not possess it..but i like to be with it..i treasure every single second spending with u..we all are leaving..u and me know that..but i am glad that u are here with me when i needed you the most..life is just like that, u may not get everything u want in ur life..

raining day.

2010-07-08T21:34:00.003+08:00

it is raining and raining and raining all the day ever since the final whistle blew off early this morning..the fact is, germany lost to spain..what an unconvincing result displayed by both teams..i wanted to cry, but cry is not the solution and it cant change anything except the fact that i spent these two days rather in a reverse order..everything was reversed, from sleeping time to eating time..i did not feel like waking up from the sleep..this is not the result i have always wanted to have..dizzy and dizzy..

the more i think about the future, the more it seems to so far away..six months left and i feel an uneasy spirit hidden inside me that cant do anything but to see the time flies away slowly..i saw my plane took off and flew away from me..and i could not do anything to stop it leaving me..i saw my friends all leaving, with their luggage in their hands and happiness in their faces.. of course it is good to see them leaving coz it signifies that their jobs here are done..but u know it is not easy to get over it and remain quite or pretend that nothing happens..deep inside me knows that something has changed and i am not able to cope with it..maybe i should just call it another day, maybe i should just leave it this way..maybe i am just an ordinary person who cant sway away from the truth that i have to face..the pain that i have to bear..maybe the weather today has every reason to do with me this not-in-the-mood day..i stay at home..time just passes by unknowingly..

im like a piece of shit..stay away from me..maybe i should just be as quite as i can be and hope tomorrow comes faster and everything will be back to normal..

greatest thing.

2010-07-08T14:29:00.001+08:00

i have not had enough time to log in this blog for the past few days..things are going round and round my head..i'm not sure whether it is due to my incapability to fall sleep or what..im getting more energetic as night falls..and getting sleepier at day time..i din really sleep the day before yesterday...the whole day..and today i slept in the morning..and woke up quite late in noon time..

never mind about the world cup..i will always support england, and maybe in the future, deutschland..

i have this special feeling about you..you appear in nowhere and now i am in dilemma because of your existence..i like you, to be honest.. xD

emo xD

2010-07-02T02:49:00.000+08:00

two more days..it will be the last time i get to see you guys..i dont know why i am feeling this..it could be my own thoughts..but i am really hopping to see you all again and again..just like what we did in the last two years..i know it sounds awkward for a guy to behave like this..but who cares..u all are my friends..forever and ever..i just hate exam..exam makes us forgetful..in the end of the day..everybody goes back home to celebrate..but they forget that it would be the last time to be with their friends who are leaving..i hate it..

my days here are numbered..i cant guarantee i wont cry by the time i fly..i tell myself not to cry but it is just another reason for me to escape from the reality..there are so many things in my life that go out of hand..things that i did not intend of doing at the first place and things that i regret for doing it..it so happened that life itself is so random..with enormous speed, u cant really keep up with it..and if u cant, u end up losing everything, slowly..unpredictable..i just hate it..

i am not sure..but it got to be true..no one likes this but it aint going anywhere..

all the best, to all my friends..i enjoy the time we had in this wonderful intec..what makes intec so special is the bonds we made and memories we shared but not the food we ate..definitely not in this case..it sounds a bit cheong hei but thats all..i will get up and be strong again xD

Remember Me

2010-07-01T18:02:00.000+08:00

u will see my posting quite a lot of posts these days..coz i keep watching movies that are listed in my 'must-do' list after A level..and this time i found a very romantic and thought-provoking movie --- Remember Me by Robert Pattinson..

at first i thought i was just another romance movie and Rob is probably just another flower of the movie to make it more attractive in terms of packaging..but i was really wrong..i never thought that it could turn out to be that nice, and i really did not want it to end this way..u have to go and watch this..and u wont regret spending two hours in front of the screen coz in the end u will like Rob more..i am a Rob's fan, (unbelievable), and the only reason that dragged me into watching it was probably Rob's present in that movie..BUT it was just before i watch it..

the relationship between tyler and caroline is more so heart warming..in my mind i keep thinking about my sisters coz they are the closest thing i can relate to and how i treat them..it was nothing that i could be compared of..his love for his deceased brother and problematic sister is over everything..caroline is his sister and she is not problematic literally but she had been mocked and left out by her group of classmates coz she is very talented..and i almost cried when i saw the scene how she was treated at the party..

tyler and ally's relationship, for me, was just a minor part of the story coz i think it is not so important compared to tyler's family..if u want me to judge this movie, after watching it, i would say it is not a romance film but a very meaningful..especially to those broken family..two thumbs are up for Rob..he brought the movie into live..and u have to watch it, seriously..

i recall one of the quotes by Ghandi, tyler's favourite i think..
"the things we did in our lives will be insignificant..but it is important that we did it.."

after all, life goes on.

a very nice and meaningful movie

2010-07-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

Das Leben Der Anderen ( the lives of others ) i have to say after watching this movie i nearly cried..partly because of the sound effect and the beautifully and brilliantly acting skill..haha but too many of the positive comments will perhaps spoil the mood to watch it, but it is really nice..go PPS and search for 窃听风暴..won oscar before and ranked top 100 movie in IMDB.com..haha just to show u how nice it is..

i can never imagine the ups and downs of the people living through world war 2..especially after learning german and all the history concerning the country that i am going to..it is horrible..and this makes me appreciate the beautiful life i have and i am really amazed by how strong the fighting spirit of a survivor..maybe it is not going to happen to me but, i enjoy the movie..every single bit.. :D

the greatest escape

2010-06-30T22:09:00.000+08:00

today i was stopped by police by the road side..the first time here..had a freak escape and thank god no one was hurt or 'saman'..haha it all happened when esmond and i were heading to KK for dinner..it was raining but we decided to go there out of curiosity..i saw three bikes coming in the wrong direction while riding in the motorcycle's lane..and it was the first time i saw this so never really wondered why..and it so happened that 3 policemen were hiding just behind the bushes and using torchlight, i was required to stop by..shit shit shit..

why was i the chosen one?? haha now then i knew why they were riding opposing the traffic..i knew i got into deep shit..coz my road tax had just expired and the new one is with my dad..waiting to be taken this saturday when i go back..and my bike is rather old, and u can spot spider web underneath..haha it is my 2004 ( the plate number ) so the police asked me a lot of questions and was trying to trap me into getting annoyed..and the most interesting is, without realising, esmond was checked by the third policeman ( the one with the look that most probably will want to ask me to minum kopi ) haha and u know what, we just came back from sunway and were carrying jo and feilim's bags..

and jo's wallet and shirt were with us..shit it, the policeman thought we stole those things and i was laughing inside my heart..damn funny man that we were accused of stealing and probably not being a Malaysia in the first sight..thats the problem with our country..too many immigrants, either legally or illegally..and problems start to hatch slowly..even in the KTM, the place i hate the most..u can see lots of them inside and their smell is just annoyingly special..dont know what kind of shampoo or perfume they use or maybe thats their natural odor..i just cant stand it..

so back to the story..i repeatedly mentioned that i was sorry and could u please give us another chance..haha they said they were budiman also and if we budiman to them they will not give us summon..hahahaha..thats probably the best thing i have heard from the police..my dad's words are not counted coz i see him as my dad, not a policeman..

so in the end we were allowed to go and i guessed we spent about 15 minutes trying to explain the situation there..it was a lucky escape and thank god really that nothing bad happened to us.. ;)

no more lies. no more A Level.

2010-06-30T05:07:00.000+08:00

yes, i took the last paper of A level about 11 hours ago..and have had some craziest moment after that..wow..it feels so good to be back to my life again..i feel like, reborn or something like that..haha..

though it ended with a fairly-tough paper, i have to say that i have given my best and there's no regret if i cannot get a minimum of 13 points..the best is 15 points, that's what everybody's aiming for..it is a hell lot of pressure to be able to achieve that..and i set myself a minimum target of 13 points, after all, it is just a test or you can say another obstacle before flying off..it will be completely forgotten, i can dare u, when u manage to get the ticket to germany..and it does little effect to the life that u have to continue and it is a new life, new stuff, new situation and environment out there..it doesnt matter whether u are the best student or the most kiasu-est student..u aint getting credits for doing that coz u still stuck in ur current life without much of the self improvement that u have to discover bit by bit along the way..i have been thinking and asking myself, what different would it make if i dont get the results i got in the past? life still goes on, am i right? the world's not gonna end because u did poorly in a test, the world is not gonna look high on u with that all-A certs in ur hand..the world only recognizes what u are capable of doing and managing..and it is a constant self learning that will make us there..lol..

anyway..back to the topic..i finally got the chance to watch Prince of Persia..Jake is superb and Gemma's eyes are just as lovely as they seem to be..and that smile of her can almost melt every guy's heart sitting in front of the screen..and her body, not too skinny or perfect..haha and that the ideal figure for a guy like me to dream for..lol..i know i sound like a pervy but u dont tell me u wont have such thoughts..storyline is a bit predictable but the fact that jake and gemma, both of them are my favourites, acting together makes it a must-watch film for me..;p

had a great dinner with u guys and it was really awesome..i know u all are leaving..and i promise i will miss u all..anyway, living a long life is just like being a ALG student, u have no choice but to see the one u love and care for walks away slowly out of ur life..in the end u are all but a lonely man who can no longer have the chance to laugh with those people but to stay alone in this lonely place, waiting for the time to leave this place.. good nite.. oopps, perhaps i should say, GOOD MORNING GUYS!! have a nice day ~

defining.

2010-06-29T00:13:00.000+08:00

yess it is the last paper..lots of thoughts have been streaming into my mind and this feeling is something that i cannot express in words.. my friends are all leaving..those from the ALUK, ALM and ACTP have joined the AUSMAT group to leave us ALG behind..2 and a half years, it is a long time to go..i never thought of leaving intec when i first came here..coz 30 months of education here in intec is like something that i myself cannot imagine being part of it..i am not sure whether i have become a better person in the end but i know where my dream is and the direction i am heading to..i get to know a lot about myself during this 2 years..dont know whether it is psychologically or emotionally, i find that human is a very interesting subject to dwell on..i am not sure what to write next but my life is changing every time i make a decision..i can feel it..coz through making decision we know who we are and where are we weak at.. everybody has the right to make his own decision and sometimes we are prone to be influenced emotionally or physically which might give a great impact to the decision we made..we are easily manipulated and affected by the surrounding..even though most of us might know this, when it comes to the critical time, we are just about to make mistakes again and again..coz it is hard to pull urself out when u are stuck in a situation..

yeah i know time is running up and i should start revising my physics..last paper, prost!!!!~~

my heart's bleeding

2010-06-28T01:07:00.001+08:00

a country that i have been supporting for the past 8 years, devastated by a country that i have always dreamed of going to, and this happened right in front of my own eyes..

never mind lads..i will always support u..go on with your hard work..you can do it!!

in the case of thomas müller and schweinsteiger, u are mz idols..keep it up and fight all the way to the final.. xD

looking back

2010-06-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

first of all..i have to tell myself it is a great day..last two papers in two days time..i have not been the standard i am looking forward to..it is not so efficient but so what? life goes on... and on...

secondly, i am not even 100% sure of what i am thinking right now... this feeling is controlling me since the last 5 hours... head is aching..feeling hot..unable to concentrate.. all sorts of excuses..i was thinking..thinking and thinking.. that would it be the same if we take somebody as a replacement of someone who has been an awful good friend of yours in the past and talk to this somebody as usual as the times when we talk to our good friends? the emotions, the feelings, the way we talk, the way we work things out or even the way how we strengthen our friendship together... it is not just about u urself but involves ur friends..so i guess it is very much a mutual relationship..if u cant get things done in the preferable way..then u have to change and change is what it needs to keep things moving..what an awful day..it has been a dilemma for the past few days..i really hope it will stop..perhaps i have to change the way i behave? even though it is just a joke or something u make fun of..but somebody treats them pretty much seriously..i cant comprehend, really..why why why? cant u sense the humour behind? cant u read between the lines? do u really think i am this kind of person? im not sure if u will know about this but let's face the facts, or rather, the truths..we are human beings and nobody is perfect..if u really cant take this cynical way of mine than i had better retreat..and when i retreat u would say i change and moody..thats not the problem..u know, every dilemma lies a fact behind, that is it has to be something that makes me feel sad and if u cant think of any other reason..it has to be u..i would say..when i dont feel like talking, please dont force me to..when i am not in mood, please dont make me to be what i don't want to be..i just want to be myself..thanks a lot for trying to make me happy..i really appreciate it..but it just doesnt work this way..

pleasant. happy. memorable.

2010-06-22T01:00:00.000+08:00

i had a great day today..no doubts, all the pressure and tension that stayed with me for the past 40 days have been released, not a bit, but completely i had this aura of happiness with me..as if the exams are all over..haha i know i still have two more papers to go..the hardest among all..but it would not change the fact that the days of A level are numbered..from 60 days previously to only just 8 days..ok, im gonna start my engine tomorrow and roll all over ya..from thermodynamics to nitrogen compounds..im gonna fight till the last drip of blood.. xD

been to the legendary 'little genting' in ampang today..and i tell u..it is L-E-G-E-N-D-A-R-Y, im gonna copy this from Barnie..that's probably the best view i have ever since in my life..inclusion of the feelings and mood and breeze that constantly made me feel like being alone..but i am not sad..im not moody..haha guess there is nothing worth me sad of..i enjoy the night scene of KL..and long for the life after graduation in Fachochshule..i will be a licensed engineer, a different man, working here in capital..Fachochshule is the place where i will be doing my degree and hopefully master..and that will be the start of my brand new life..have to rely only on myself and it is time to be a big guy..haha..miss the time i was still junk in the street..well, teenager was a past tense for me already..and i realise i am no longer a teen.. xD

this is the first time i had this Shisa (pipe smoking)..great taste..not as good as cigar..but i like it..after coming back i googled it..and found out that it damages my health 10 times more than a cigarette..starting to regret now..haha coz i promise not to smoke anymore..why smoke? i hate smoking..i hate smokers..especially the women who smoke..u can be very pretty and hot but the moment u lit the cigarette and put it into ur mouth..u suck..lol..im not being prejudice or skeptical or stereotype..but i just dont like smoking..u are burning ur money only..stupid..well, fun time has ended and it is time to get serious.. tomorrow will be a great day too.. xD

p/s: i wont touch any of this shisa or cigarettes or cigar anymore..i hate it.. xD

IP Man, finally..

2010-06-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

lol..finally i was willing to watch Ip Man..the reason - too bored..
i never really like Donnie Yen, though his style of fighting is A LOT MORE MEANINGFUL and 'yeng' than the everybody-like Jackie Chan.. i think he acts cool too much, and i mean too much in his previous movies..haha and thats why i am unwilling to watch all his movies.. but, this IP Man really changes everything i held previously him as..

As a Chinese, he fights with dignity and being a Chinese myself, i can feel the sense of nationalism within every Chinese and even the Malaysians during the Japanese occupation.. i tried to imagine the life out there..u have got no rice, no food, no laptop, no TV, no nothing..and all u got is POTATOES..i regard potatoes are the symbol of wealth some 6 decades ago..my dad told me my grandma used to eat snails while running away from china..snail, oh my goodness..cant imagine the taste and the slippery feel while placing it on my tongue..uuekkk..and everyday u have to live under fear..fear that the japanese will rush into ur house and point their riffle on ur head..oh ya..i heard that the jet will always zoom past the roofs..and a bomb can be dropped anytime when it passes by..walao eh..

talking about war, i think about Adolf Hitler..the Fuehrer..haha Maria will kill me if she sees this..i guess not so many people know about germany, let me give u all some ideas about how germany was during and after the WWII..in the mid 1920 ( i guess ) Adolf Hitler had been chosen as the leader of the ruling party...just like if anwar ibrahim takes charge of our country and manages to storm in Putrajaya one day ( it is not going to be true, i hope )..hitler made a lot of changes and had this thoughts of conquering the europes..so they fight, fight, fight etc....and they lost..and hitler hanged himself..a lot of people died and the most well known incident that happened was the Genocide..a lot of Jews were bloodily killed out of no reason..the exact figure i dont know..and they shoot every single jew upon contact..what a bloody man..lots of people sacrificed..and died out of nothing..here comes the diary written by a girl when she hided underground for many years and was killed after 7 years i guess..haha all the figures here are not correct coz i cant really do well in figures..that girl is another story, if u wanna read her diary u can get it in Kinokuniya near the rear entrance..quite interesting to read coz she shared all her feelings..how she felt..how she fall in love..how she kissed a guy for the first time..how they survived during that period of time etc etc..thats another story..

so hitler is dead..and germany was divided into half..east and west germany..like world cup, u will probably wonder why the last time germany became the world champion, the country's name is not germany but West Germany..so here are the reasons..east germany was taken by the russian..where communism ruled everything..and they are rather poor because all the money was used for the propaganda and etc..and the west germany was ruled by four different nations..USA, England, France and ahh, i forgot the fourth..haha..the south part ( the place i will be going next january) is ruled by the americans..that is why Mercedes and BMW and Porch and Audi and VW all have their factories there..and Berlin, germany's capital is also divided into west and east..and a 3.5 m wall seperated them..so if u are going to berlin, u can definitely see the remaining of the wall..the wall doesnt fall down by itself..only in 1989 germanu was officially a whole country..where the west and the east joined..

well thats all..gonna sleep now..sleepy zzzZz..

memento

2010-06-19T20:25:00.000+08:00

i spent most of the time today in front of my lappy..watched a couple of movies and NBA game 7 again.. the first movie was about the shark, a documentary movie, not the kind of JAWS etc... which i will talk about it later..the second is Memento, directed by Christopher Nolan ( he is the only director that i admire and all his films are extraordinarily good!! including The Dark Knight and The Prestige..these two films are quite hard to understand, and i had to go through the movie again and again to know what Christopher is trying to tell ..highly recommended films!! ) and this Memento is no exception..i was left stun after watching it in PPS..

the story was not told chronologically..it was flashback one after another and the story went backward..kudos to the Guy Pierce and the writer who managed to create a perfect storyline..it is an old movie, i think it was released in 2000..but it is really really a good film..go search for the details in www.imdb.com or rottentomatoes.com..the sites where i usually dig into before going to the cinema..after watching some ugliest stories like The Spirit and what Blood (a Korean actress was in it)..i realise not all the movies are nice to watch, especially in cinema..i can assure u when u watch some of the most boring movies, in cinema,and u dont understand a thing the movie trying to tell, u will definitely feel like u just dump 10 bucks into the dustbin and squander the chance doing things u supposed to do and waste the time with people u are supposed to be with..

and now the first movie i watch today, the shark water, if i'm not mistaken..it just saddened me more after i watched it..a few months ago i watch the clover..it tells about how the Japanese kill trapped hundreds of DOLPHINS into a shallow bay and KILLED THEM ALL..they spent the whole day piercing and stabbing the poor dolphins until they died after excessive bleeding..WTF!!! i get so mad about it and almost cried..why do we humans want to get control of everything in the world? why are we so selfish that we destroy the very happy life of the living things around us? like building the Bakun Dam in Sarawak and turning a forest into a city? dont we know that we are destroying their life? i feel very very sad about this and each time i pass by a construction site, i cant help thinking about those small creatures and animals that we are killing..we are so selfish and yet we dont want to admit it..whats wrong with us? jeezz..i wish i could change and stop every illegal hunting or killing in the world..i wish i could kill all the bad guys that are trying to kill the whales and sharks..especially the japanese and costa ricos..i wish i could chop off their ears or nose or limbs and let it bleed and walk away, like what they did to the sharks after getting the fins..i want to put a needle inside their mouth and let them feel what the fishes are feeling and pull them out from the ground nad let them feel their own weight through the needle..shit..i wanna pierce them tight into their heads with a sharp metal bar and drag them for as far as i could..those people are mad..siao nang lai eh..all kisiao liao..the more i write about them, the more i get mad about them..%*!@&%#*!$%!$*!)$(!!!!!!!*)&(!!!!!!!

protect our earth..that is the least everyone of us could do..dun let it die..
p/s: i am a little emotional..

today is a fairytale :))

2010-06-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

hahahaahhahahahahhahaha..i was sooooo happy today..so many good things happened to me and i've got no regrets..

lakers won their 16 NBA championship today...it was a thrilling experience to be given the chance watching it..it is soooo wonderful that the team i start supporting since primary six won the championship..well, i can say it was a bad day for u Pierce, Rondo, Garnett, Allan etc... next time ba.. :)

the remaining a level papers are down to only 2..the hardest of the 18 papers..yayyyy wooohoooooo!!!!! but today i have to admit that the papers were SOO difficult..the 4th paper of Physics had me sweating all over my seat..damn it..so hard and i wasnt even very sure of my answers..

but it is over....it is really over.. xD

help me

2010-06-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

this is not an emergency so no need to pick up ur phone and call me straight once u read this..

i was stuck in the middle of making a decision..i planned to travel to myanmar in september coz i will have my holiday after DSH..the the tickets are SOOOOO cheap man..29 bucks inclusive of meeting some of the most beautiful Air Asia air stewardesses haha and perhaps one or two handsome guy..in that case i wont be needing it..lol..

so i called my parents and hoped that they would allow me to go..with friends of course..i was reminded in the call that i need money when i go germany..i guess when it comes to play and having fun, my mind will fly to nowhere and never thinks of the amount of money i need..i guess it was just the typical me..unless necessary i will not save money..lol..coz i feel like not spending will makes me very guilty..haha..guess i am addicted to spending..i know it is bad and i say i wanna take control of it but i never really did..

money oh money..i will earn u step by step..i know now it is not the time for me to earn coz i am incapable of making money and the least i can do is to save more and spend only on necessary items..haih so long my dream of going to myanmar..

ps/ it is killing me.. T_T

plants VS zombies

2010-06-14T17:44:00.000+08:00

i remembered playing this game using keren's mac pro and the extra large touch pad of hers..the result?? i cannot finish playing all the levels coz have to go back home..haha so time passes and exactly after six months i suddenly think of this game..i tried downloaded it but u know, after playing for 60 minutes, the application shut down itself and a message popped out : UR TRIALS VERSION HAS ENDED. PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE FULL VERSION. f*** u.. i was suddenly pulled out of this game in the middle of playing it, to be true, i was actually enjoying playing it :))

so another disappointment came later that day when i found out that no free game was to be downloaded..and this feel sucks..and that time was during my exam..just a few weeks ago..

my greatest joy came when chen said his room had been playing it in the past..WoW..thats so great and they even have the installation file..what a day for me..

i quickly installed the game and spent bout a week to unlock all the plants and zombies..kinda long actually coz i cannot play it whole day..stupid exam again..lol..

so so i played and play and am playing up until now..i have unlocked every single plants and my Zen garden is full of plants also..haha..but im stuck in the survival mode..the endless never really ends coz it is SO DAMN HARD to collect even 15 flags..i played 4 times i guess to have finally figured out a strategy that could only last me 15 flags...the highest is unlimited i think..and i guess no one has ever reached that far..the furthest i know so far is tze jun's 27 flags..wow..nearly a fold of mine..i salute him really haha coz for me..27 is farrrr tooooo great and cannot be achieved in the mean time..but i will keep trying and trying until i beat his record..haha tze jun u wait..one day i will come and tell u, i beat u!! hahaha..

prepare for more troubles

2010-06-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

world cup fever..a level..

how can two tally together?? makes no sense at all..this crazy exam has taken me bout 31 days..seems like never ending and i ve got 6 papers left..feeling dizzy and lazy..

im giving myself toooo many excuses..it is time to reverse the time and be a man, do the right thing..

suit up, mates!!

2010-06-11T16:29:00.004+08:00

nothing in this world will change the fact that i did a SERIOUS CARELESS mistake in my M2 paper..it was a challenging paper and i was having fun doing it..haha but but but..my calculator that has been in service for 2 years seems like dying coz the day before it was blinking while i sat for C2 paper..and IN ORDER TO SAVE the battery, i do not wanna use it at all in the paper,(unless the calculation is way too difficult), so i ke kiang and did a VERY STUPID, and i tell u it is really stupid to have done this mistake..40*square* was supposed to be 1600, but i wrote 400.. T___T die larrr.. this kinda mistake can also happen in my life..

it just shows that how careless i am..but i dont feel sad..i really dont..it is just a question and carries about 8 marks out of the total 75 marks..nothing de..haha..i have given my best and now it is time for me to move on to other subjects..A2 here i come..sometimes we make mistakes when we are overjoyed..i think i am one of them in this case coz i managed to solve the hardest question.. hehehe..took me half an hour to do the question u know but when u get the answer, everything is sooo worth it...we as a matter of fact, my mistake in the previous question makes me feel like incomplete..if i noticed that mistake earlier, perhaps it will make my day..

was planning to go U13 today..there's a second hand book sale there and jude and i wanted to explore that place with my bike..but the sky does want us to go so bobian have to stay in the boring hostel once again..i discovered that Shah Alam is actually quite big and i thought i knew every corner here but obviously i didnt..there is a new Shah Alam popping out..well i dont know if it exists before or not but this new SA is sooooo bigg and conjested..just like PJ and the roads are dwindling to nowhere..lol..have to be extra careful at looking at the sign boards then..

mates, if u dont do well in the exam..dont ever feel bad coz in the end of the day, exam is just another way for us to climb higher..making mistakes doesnt mean that the doom's day has come but feeling bad and not be able to get urself out of the situation will definitely cause u to lose everything..

lets SUIT UP!!

grand grand opening ceremony

2010-06-10T16:25:00.002+08:00

erm, well friends..i guess i have bade farewell to this blog 2 years ago, and u know it was founded in january 2008 when i started my first work as a clerk in an automobil company..that was purely out of boredom that i created this blog and i had never thought of going this far..first, i was botak and so this blog was named after me at that time..second, now i have some hair, u can call that, and im sure u will wonder why the hell would i use this name..well, nostalgic most probably..

this blog has given me so much space and freedom for my feelings to be voiced out..and i have been wondering should i create a new blog before finally made the decision of re-open this blog..guess i have been talking nonsense over here..but this is the grand opening u know, meaning i would have to give some speech or something like that to mark the GRAND and BIG opening of my blog..woohooo..i dont know how many of my friends will know about this..and the biggest inspiration of re-opening this blog is that the time has come..the mood is there and im gonna grab it and write as much as i could..

thinking about the reason i closed this blog 2 years back, i guess i was pretty down and i've got nothing more to write..it just did not feel right for me to continue writing back then..but things changed..so do i..i must say that a lot of things happened in between and i've opened my eyes and know finally that in most of the times the things we do will not necessarily be perfect and have no mistakes at all..i made a lot of mistakes and i have been trying to improve and be a better person..and i learn to let go of something..to let go of ur control over things that u can no longer control..it feels much better when u know what u need and what u want..coz this will indirectly make me strive for what i want and what i need..there's a fine line between these two aspects and i guess everyone knows it..for me, everything has just started when i stepped into 20.. it is probably a quarter of my life *hopefully*, and it is time for me to be serious and haha, blogging is one of them though u might not see the connection in between..

there is a long list of what i want to achieve..well i had better start writing it down so that i wont forget them..

tomorrow i will sit for my M2 paper..it is the LAST paper of AS!! wohooo..but dont be too happy yet coz i still have A2 coming out next week..this A level exam is like a hell of boredom..takes us almost 50 days of our 365 days in 2010..this is excluding of the time i spent in Trial's and revising..holly shit..i dont want my life to be like that, sitting in front of the desk and flipping the books or surfing the net everyday.. coz IM GONNA GO NUTS if it were to continue like this..jeezz..siao de..i really long for the day when i can go back home and do things i wanna do..it feels so good to be with my family and friends again coz i know im gonna bid them farewell soon and they would probably not be seeing me anymore..i have big dreams and im ambitious..hahaha..i've got dozen of things wanted to do when i reach deutscland..das land der fantasie!! lol..

do ur best!! 7 more to go!!